


Broken Light

by AutumnHarnett



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Armitage Hux is a Jerk, Canon Universe, Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, Jealous Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren Angst, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Love Triangles, Melodramatic Nonsense and Occasional Character Development, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Protective Poe Dameron, Rey is putting up with all sorts of bullshit from both Ben and Poe, Romance, Soap Opera Space Porn, Virgin Kylo Ren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-02-27 17:31:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 44,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13253139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnHarnett/pseuds/AutumnHarnett
Summary: Reylo with eventual smut. Damerey bits too. Left in the wake of the battle of Crait, both Rey and Kylo Ren ache for that connection that had been strung together as a ploy to take down the Resistance. While Kylo focuses on repairing their connection, Rey finds herself in the company of an unexpected visitor, Poe Dameron, resulting in the blossoming of an easy friendship. Post TLJ.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: "She was fearless and crazier than him. She was his queen, and God help anyone who dared to disrespect his queen." JK, we don't need that bullshit here. Still, you're reading a Reylo fic, so brace for impact, edgelords and fellow gofficks 'cause we about to get proble-fucking-matic. We all know it's not Rey's job to fix Kylo, but like… what if it was? Fuck the preps (looking at you, Finn and Poe).
> 
> This takes place after The Last Jedi and before and possibly leading into the timeline of Episode 9. Hopefully none of the pairings presented result in incest. If so, just boycott Episode 9, bitch about your ruined childhood, and give me the $10 dollars you were going to spend on a movie ticket.
> 
> Please at StarWars and Disney to force them to make this canon and/or cast me as Young Leia in the upcoming Young Han movie. There has to be a full penetrative sex scene, preferably just with Han, but if Donald Glover as Donald Glover wants to get in on a threesome, I won't stop Childish Gambino. I refuse to stop writing until one or the other happens, thanks.
> 
> Recommended music (to pretend that Kylo Ren is blasting in his quarters while writing in his diary and fixing his helmet with duct tape before coloring the duct tape with a sharpie): Across The Universe by Fiona Apple, You Were Meant for Me by Jewel, and Torn by Natalie Imbruglia.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst! Angst? ANGST.

"You are a monster."

As he had gazed upon her from the doorway of the Falcon, Rey's sweet expression twisted in pain and anger, he wished that she had broken the silence and repeated those words.

Lost in gray instead of black and white had long maddened him, but her harsh silence left him shattered where he had been sure that she was the key to his salvation. Those sharp words would have cut him free from the brambles he had become twisted in, lost in the struggle between her light and the dark path he had run headlong as a boy.

Instead, he was caught, stuck pining from the shadows to be touched by her light.

Alone in his quarters, Kylo Ren's cognac gaze probed his own reflection as he stood half dressed, still accessing the scars that the scavenger, Rey, had left on his skin. Even after being dogged on by his uncle's antics, distracted from wiping out the remaining Resistance only hours before, when he was left with nothing but his thoughts, they always chased back to her.

During those breaks in time where he saw her where she stood and he saw him just as clearly, he had found himself perplexed, entranced, and most of all frustrated by the very idea of her. He had felt that loneliness within her that matched his own on the Starkiller base. For a moment, he hadn't seen her as a means to an end, losing himself briefly in that bizarre connection between them.

A connection that had only grown stronger after she left him crumpled in the snow, bloodied and battered by the blade that had belonged to his grandfather. Across the galaxy, he saw her on the very island he had pried from her mind when seeking for the map to Skywalker had been where he had been hiding.

Their uneasy courtship began with Rey firing a shot into his stomach. He'd only been lucky that they were parsecs away from one another despite the sharp, striking pain. Nothing physically had been damaged, so these visions were nothing more a psychic transmission. Or so Kylo had thought.

In those visions, he had seen her in the rain, smiling and enraptured by the very sight of it. Despite the simplicity of precipitation, where others would have hunkered away in the old Jedi ruins, she stood with her hand outstretched, delighted by the simplicity of _water_.

While part of him wanted to pity her, he found more that he envied that something like the coolness of rain could bring such candid joy to her features. And those features… With those striking hazel eyes not filled with disdain, her blossom pink lips spread across her face in a warm grin, it was hard not to find her charming.

Just at the memory, he found himself reaching out to her once more. A yearning rose within him as he wondered what he would see. Would she be sitting in the Millennium Falcon, celebrating their narrow escape with the others? Or would she be seeking comfort in the arms of the traitor, FN-2187, mourning the loss of Luke?

After all, he had extended his hand once more to her, asked her to rise to power at his side only to find Rey as his enemy once more as she had escaped him again.

You come from nothing. You're nothing… But not to me.

He had offered her everything and still, she fled from him, while he wanted nothing more to take her into his arms and make her understand. That entire Resistance would see her as just another poster child, like Luke and his mother before her.

FN-2187 or whatever Resistance fool that came here way would never fully understand her potential, and if by chance he did, he would never be her equal. When she became too great and outgrew the former stormtrooper, that traitor would leave her in the dust like he did the First Order, looking for something greater.

The thought of her back with him twisted rage in his gut. He closed his eyes, extending his himself, reaching out to her… only to find nothing. Not even a hint of where she might be. Dimly, though… He felt her heart ache, that linking forlornness still there, even though she was in tight quarters. Wherever she was, she was moving too quickly for him to fully focus on her. As that dimness nearly began to fade, he felt a burst of energy explode from his core, the mirror before him shattered.

His eyes snapped open, expecting to hear the clattering of glass spilling out onto the floor. Instead, the glass hung in the air briefly. More than a dozen reflections stared back at him, left with nothing more than his own furious gaze shaking him briefly, before finally showering the floor in broken shards.

* * *

Bare hands touching, across the universe she had felt it. As sure as the ancient ruin of tightly packed down stone that surrounded Rey and rain barraging its walls, she had felt Kylo Ren's—no, Ben Solo's, she corrected herself—uncertainty and saw so clearly the frame of his future.

Like pure light, she saw his very being shine dimly before slowly growing brighter and brighter. When the time came, they would fight side by side. Together, she was sure that they would fight the First Order. As simple as that vision was, it was strong and she found herself desperate to believe in it. To believe in him.

Whatever had entangled them, pulling them together in these forced, communal moments, had brought with it doubt and uncertainty. In that hut, alone as she ever was his trembling hand reached to hers and for the briefest of moments, they weren't alone.

That loneliness that she had felt for so long, that clung to her heart on those long Jakku days while searching for rubbish to trade for a quarter of a plate of mush, clenched at her heart once more as she felt it matched in Ben. As they spoke, and he told her his tale of how he was betrayed, she could have sworn she could see Luke's face in the darkness, twisted in fear and desperation as he looked down at a young, conflicted boy illuminated by the green glow of the weapon in his master's hand.

If their paths had crossed earlier… Could she have saved him? It was a naïve thought. With his hand extended towards her in Snoke's throne room, she had felt the pull to the dark side, the desire to stand at his side, and with both Luke and Han dead, she hated herself for that desire to feel his hand against hers once more, and so much more than a simple, fleeting touch.

Now, sitting in the co-pilot's seat of the Millennium Falcon, legs curled into the seat, she stared out at the stars blasting around them as that touch seemed increasingly distance. Of course, Rey knew, that it would only become more fleeting as time pressed on. The magic of being impossibly connected had fallen when Snoke revealed himself and Ben had made his choice.

If I had managed to convince him, she thought, her eyes pressing shut as she pulled her knees to her petite form. We would be more than a dozen people packed into an ancient clunker, darting across the galaxy. Luke Skywalker would be alive, Finn's new… friend would be in one piece, and we would have more to go on then a few hope-themed speeches.

"You know, that's bad form for piloting. Honestly, you look like BB-8."

A voice pulled her from her reverie as she flinched, turning fully to see Poe Dameron leaning in the doorway, peering towards the window casually as stars striped around them. Sending her a half-cocked grin, he settled in the chair beside her.

"Good thing we're in auto, then," Rey replied easily as she straightened up.

"It's strange," he said, running a tired hand over his swarthy features.

"From going to a large resistance to a dozen people packed in this can?" she asked, her own thoughts settling on their current situation.

"I was going to say finally meeting you, Rey," he managed a weak chuckle before his grin started to fade. "After hearing so much from Finn, but yeah… We took some heavy casualties while you were out looking for Luke. It was a helluva struggle getting on and off of Crait. You and Chewie did great in this thing, getting those First Order pricks off of our asses. You hear rumors about Han and his ship, but I never imagined that it would be a clunker."

"I've been finding that legends never quite live up to the real thing," she replied before touching the wall of the Falcon affectionately. "The Falcon hasn't let me down yet."

An awkward silence passed between them before Rey foolishly found herself asking, "You said that Finn said a lot about me?"

Almost as conflicting as Ben's crumpled expression—Kylo's? she found herself questioning her previous correction—as she slammed the door of the Falcon, was watching Finn tenderly place that blanket and watch over the injured girl in the communal room. Rose's features were warm and that warmness seemed to glow from within her even as she rested, struggling to remain with them.

"Well, yeah, the first thing he asked when he woke up was, 'Where's Rey?'" he replied leaning against the chair as he looked her over as if inspecting her. She tried not to move uncomfortably under his gaze. "BB-8 has chirped a bit about you, and obviously Leia thought it was important that you find Skywalker. You managed to get him here when it mattered, too…"

She crinkled her nose as she stared back at him as his dark eyes continued to search her. "What is it?" she asked, feeling herself stiffen.

"I don't know," he smirked, shrugging weakly. "You're like this ship. You really don't look like much, but you get things done."

"I get it, because I'm just some girl from a junk heap on Jakku... I should be nobody," Rey snapped back, finding herself shivering in the cold. Would she ever get used to space travel? At this point, she never planned to go to Jakku even as she found herself craving its heat. It amazed her how desperate she had been to get back, deluded enough to think that anyone was coming back for her.

Now, she knew that Maz was right. Her parents weren't coming back.

But someone else could.

"I didn't say that," Poe murmured, his brow furrowed as he shook his head. "No one here is just a nobody. If you hadn't made those… rocks float or whatever, we'd be pinned back on Crait before being gunned down by the First Order. I'm just surprised, is all. The way Finn talked about you, I thought we'd have a literal angel on board. I mean, again, the floaty rocks… were amazing and just what we needed, but you seem more like, I don't know, a person."

"I am a person," Rey found herself smiling weakly as she struggled to understand completely what he was saying.

"I know, but you're at the beginnings of becoming a legend," he pointed out. "I don't know if you realize it, but you're one of the faces of the Resistance to the people out there, packed around the dejarik table."

Shivering once more, she laughed despite the chill.

"With Skywalker gone, you're the—"

"There's bound to be more Jedi out there, so please don't say that I'm the last of a dying breed," she sighed, her laugh dying quickly at the mention of Skywalker.

He had come to their aid, knowing that he would die at his nephew's blade, acting as a distraction as the entire First Order fired upon him. While she had sensed him, she never saw him on Crait. How he had gotten there, she still wasn't sure, but Kylo Ren must have been the one to kill him.

What she was sure of, like Han, Kylo had killed Luke. Whatever she had sensed within him, whatever future in which they were on the same side, was either that brief fight after he had caused Snoke to fall, or an illusion placed by Snoke himself.

"All I have is a few books that Luke had kept in a tree and… the ability to float rocks," she sighed, despite knowing that she had more than that.

"Whatever you say, angel," Poe grinned, checking the auto-pilot before raising his dark eyes to meet hers once more. "I just wanted you to know… that you aren't alone here. Out of all of us, you've spent the least amount of time with the Resistance… and the most time, apart from Finn, with the First Order—"

"You're not about to imply that you're worried about me switching sides, are you?" Rey asked. "And don't get me started on 'angel.' You just said I wasn't one."

"A little bit of irony never hurt anyone," he said waving away her concern. "And I wasn't implying that you were about to switch sides. I was just saying that… I'm glad—We're all glad, that you aren't still with the First Order, getting mind probed by Snoke… or with Snoke dead, getting tortured by Kylo Ren and Hux's goon squad."

"I'd rather not talk about Kylo… a-and the First Order," Rey murmured as she started to curl up once more. "Is space always so cold?" She eyed his jumpsuit and realized that it must be. "It's hard to get used to."

He was silent for a moment, but let the mention of Kylo drop much to her relief.

"Rose saved Finn's life, you know," he remarked as he got to his feet, searching for something in the cockpit until he found a compartment and popped the small door open. He tossed a thin blanket to her which she took gratefully and murmured soft thanks.

"He was going to ram himself into the big gun, a complete suicide run, but she knocked him out of the way before he could," Poe continued. "He went against orders, was completely reckless… It's not my style."

Another half-cocked grin touched his lips, matching his coy tone as he gave her a wink. It suited him, she decided as she felt her own lips twitch into a slight smile in response. "If you're hiding away in here because, I don't know… You're jealous, I get it. I saved his life too. I don't see him tucking me into bed and giving me a fawning glance. Just wearing my jacket."

"It's… not just that," Rey said, realizing that they might share more of a comradery beyond their allegiance to the Resistance. Despite that cocky grin and the seriousness of Rose's wounds, she could see a hint of hurt in his eyes that matched the pang of pain her chest when she thought of Finn.

Despite what had started to grow between her and Kylo, Finn had meant something to her. Even if Kylo had said she wasn't anything to anyone else, every embrace and every shared moment with Finn told her otherwise.

Seeing him unconscious, lying in that pod… It was hard not to remember him grabbing her hand like a child and their shared embrace on the Starkiller base. Maybe she had put more thought into what they were. It seemed clear enough to her that he and Rose weren't platonic.

Every tally mark in the fallen AT-AT on Jakku felt as if they were erased ever since they had found each other. Even if that sweet, blooming love had grown into a deep friendship, she was grateful for Finn. Even at the dull aching that rose in her chest.

"I saved him, too, you know," she said, regretting her words as soon as they hit the air. "I did smack Kylo Ren around with his grandfather's lightsaber before you blew up his base."

Again, in her mind's eye, she could see that broken expression as she closed that door between them. The scars so clear on his face that she had left behind, her mark forever on his skin. Her heart twisted once more. Even talking about Finn, with the sweet, pure love she felt for him, there was some more raw, more passionate just in that brief touch then any of their embraces.

Damn it, Rey. He's a monster. Not misunderstood, little Ben Solo…

"So, if it's just not Finn…"

"Shouldn't you be discussing our next plan of attack with Leia?" Rey asked, pushing the conversation away from Finn and away from Kylo Ren.

"We've got some time to kill and Leia's lost a lot in the span of a pretty short amount of time," he answered, his expression softening as he glanced towards the door. "We all have, but… God, Han's not even cold and now Luke. Both taken down by… by Kylo. Not to mention, we're down to about a dozen people. It's darkest before the dawn, and all that shit, but I figured she can breathe for a minute."

With a jerk, the whole ship lurched out of hyperspace. While Poe managed to cling to his seat, she found herself bucked from her seat, gaining more than a good amount of height, before finding herself pressed against the well-muscled body of Poe Dameron.

"While I wouldn't mind getting to know you a bit better, angel, let's go ahead and see what's knocked us out of hyperspace," Poe smirked before giving her another wink.

Scrambling back to her own seat, she felt her face flush as she strapped herself in just in time for Chewbacca to burst in.

"You're in his spot," Rey blurted out as she gestured to the Wookiee as Poe rattled through the controls of the Falcon, attempting see what had stopped them. When Poe opened his mouth to argue, he was met with a Wookiee growl.

"Sorry, I'm in your spot," Poe murmured as he moved back a seat as Chewbacca and Rey set to work, searching for the damage. "But we need to get this thing moving before the First Order finds us here, sitting like Porgs, ready for the roasting."

He was met with another growl, louder this time.

"We weren't… hit by anything," Rey murmured as she searched the panels before her for an explanation. "There's no ships nearby and everything looks like it should be in order, so it must have been a fluke—wait…"

That odd, familiar sensation of her link with Kylo overtook her, but as her eyes darted around, she couldn't see him.

"What?" Poe asked, leaning up from his seat, but he felt miles away. Even with distress tinging his tone, she struggled to maintain her composure. "Rey, what is it?"

Slowly, as Chewbacca worked on the Falcon and Poe started to raise his voice, she felt a total shift. Silence overwhelmed her as her vision hazed to the stars beyond the window before her, unable to focus on just one.

There was no vision, no shirtless Kylo standing vulnerable in his quarters, but she felt _him_. She just felt him as clearly as she had felt his future. Intensely, his spirit called to her as if he had left something unsaid in their last meeting. Instead of the sincere surety she had thought she feel when it came down to his choice on Crait, once again she found confusion and doubt that only fueled the same emotions in her own heart.

 _Monster_ , her mind whispered, anguished still.

"Are you sure?"

His voice was clear, deep and baritone, and it caused her body to shiver more than frigid coldness of outer space.

"Ben…" she breathed, the name coursing over her like a shock of an ice-cold wave of sea water had struck her, knocking the air from her lungs as a rush of silence left her breathless. Vaguely, she could see him just for a moment, his lips moving as if to tell her something.

And then it was broken. In an instance, they were back in hyperspace and her surroundings were clear once more.

With the sharp pull and twist of the mechanics before them, Chewbacca was barking something at Poe, and Poe gripping her chin gently, trying to get her to focus on him. Just behind him, Finn rushed through the door.

"You with us, angel?" he asked gently, his brow relaxing in relief.

"What… What happened?" Rey asked, her throat dry. That had been far more intense than it had been before when Snoke was allegedly pulling the strings.

"Rey, are you okay?" Finn asked as he quickly hurried over, practically tripping over one of the backseats as he knelt beside her. He grabbed her hand tightly. "We heard Chewie and... I… You look pale."

"You seemed to go a little hazy and you, ah, mumbled the name 'Ben,'" Poe said as he let her go, giving a worried glance to Finn.

"Ben?" Finn asked. "As in… Ben Solo? Rey… What happened on that ship?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations. A connection is made.

Blinding. This time, unlike the times before, she was brilliant, causing him to wince at the light that clung to her, making up her form before him. Not physically there, standing before him as she had been previously, but her very essence beckoned to him. He was starved of warmth and it seemed to flood from her.

Whatever this was, it was far different than what Snoke had supposedly set up previously. Rather, the bond that had been so solid before, felt as shattered as the mirror in front of him. He had begun to doubt that Snoke's words were true. He had felt that thread of fate, tying them so tightly together from their first meeting. When he had carried her out of the woods and sat with her, watching her sleep as he waited for her to wake, he could had felt a perplexing desire for her.

He couldn't name it before, but now when every fiber of him hungered for her, he knew that was what it must be.

Sinking back down on his bed, he covered his face as he wrung his fingers through his ebony mop of hair. With Snoke fallen and the battle on Crait behind him, he was warring with a clarity that he was unused to. For as long as he remembered, there had been something clouding his thoughts, twisting them.

The familiar phrase, "You will never be as great as…" had clung to his heart, names and faces interchangeable as he had grown. When he had been young, it had been his father that he envied every time he got on that shoddy clunker of a ship, left alone as Leia struggled with the New Republic's internal disputes. Her attention focused on shaping the galaxy, rebuilding the broken structure of a system that had failed the galaxy for as long as she lived. Absorbed in her cause, even as loving as she could be, he was left in dust as both Han and Leia continued to save the galaxy.

As his abilities began to develop, it had been Luke until that fateful night where he had stood over him, ready to slaughter him in his sleep. He had looked at him with the same awe and reverence that the rest of the world did, only for that love he had once held to be left in ashes.

The Jedi master was a legend, just as his own parents were, but everything about him seemed impossible. His parents were fallible, handing him off once his powers had been too much for them to handle on their own, isolating him as if it were something easy to do. He would never be great enough to live up to their legacy.

That bitterness had followed him when he had gone to train with Luke, only to be nurtured under his care. Under the weight of being a descendant of Skywalker, every failure and every mistake that he made outweighed any success he had. He wanted nothing more than to prove himself, that he deserved his name and deserved that connection to the three Rebellion heroes.

Instead, he had woken up to the emerald glow and dim hum of Luke's lightsaber, nearly slaughtered in his sleep by the man the entire galaxy had deemed a hero. Whatever darkness Luke had felt in him extinguished the light that had remained.

Under his training with Snoke, Darth Vader had become an easy replacement, filling the role of someone greater than him, struggling to reach the height of his infamy.

Now, he was left with that expression twisted into something new: "You'll never be great enough for _her_ …"

_Ben…_

He flinched, glancing around him only to see nothing. It wasn't their bond, merely his own yearning spilling into his thoughts. That gentleness, the optimism in her eyes… When was the last time anyone had looked at him with that urgent hope? What he would give to be seen by her once more, deserving her.

_Let me help you…_

"Supreme Leader," over the intercom, Hux's disdainful drawl boomed. "We've had no luck in tracking the Millennium Falcon or found where the remaining Resistance may be headed."

"Keep looking," Kylo Ren bit out, feeling his neck tense at the announcement. "They're just running until they can get to the next hole to hide in. Pray that you find them before I do."

"What do you mean—"

Flipping the switch on the intercom, he shrugged off his robe before settling on the center of his bed, focusing on finding his center.

* * *

"So, what you're telling us is that you are bonded by the Force, across space, with Kylo Ren?" Finn asked, his brows furrowed as he sunk back into his seat. "And that bond was constructed by Snoke. And you didn't tell anyone this because…?"

Rey swiveled her seat to fully face Finn, knowing that an explanation was due. When she had presented Leia with the broken lightsaber, the woman hadn't pressed for an explanation after she had vaguely explained what had happened on that starship, careful to leave out the connection she had to the General's son.

"I don't even know how to explain this to myself, Finn," she breathed exasperatedly, shaking her head. "And we've barely had a minute to breathe since we've started to head to the next base, so I'm sorry I didn't sit everyone down to explain my entanglements involving Kylo Ren. How do I begin to bring up whatever this… this Force bond is? I thought it was broken when he killed Snoke… I should have known when…"

"When, what?" Finn treaded lightly.

"I saw him again, before I got on the _Falcon_ ," she murmured as she looked to her hands as she gripped the cloth of her pants. Again, she was lost in the anguish she had seen as he looked at her. Words had been unspoken on her lips, but she hadn't known exactly what she meant to say. She had been just as lost as he was. She still was. "It was brief, but once I shut the door… It felt like that severed the bond."

"How much of this did you know?" Poe asked, shooting his question to Chewbacca who gave a shrug and a vague growl. "You dropped her off?" Another growl. "And picked her up. From an obvious honeypot set up. Good job, fur ball."

Heat rose to her cheeks once more. It hadn't been obvious to her. Even then, she didn't think that was what the Supreme Leader of the First Order had intended. Rather, she had begun to wonder if he had merely hoped that she would take up the arms of a hero, like Luke before her, seeking to redeem the unredeemable. Instead, his apprentice had turned the blade on him, saving himself and her.

Poe looked back to Rey, frowning as he shook his head. "You do realize how dangerous this could be, right?" he asked, his tone hesitantly patient and his gaze searching. "The man is now the Supreme Leader of the First Order and you're here, with remains of the Resistance. Can he track you?"

"He couldn't before," Rey insisted. "Whenever we connected, I only saw him and it must have been the other way around. If he could track me, he would have come for Luke as soon as he knew where we were."

"But what about what just happened?" Finn asked as he rested his elbows on his thighs as he leaned forward. "It didn't look like something as simple as a conversation."

"I-I don't know," she answered, her voice pleading as she struggled with her own frustration. It hadn't felt like it had before, as if they were merely talking to one another. Instead, her very core— her light reaching desperately to meet his darkness—had been eager to meet his desire for her, even as she struggled pull that longing back.

She felt as if she was being pulled in two different directions. Her loyalty to their cause and her friendships cried for her to keep that bond shattered while her heart, that affection she had for the enemy, ached for her to repair it. Despite herself, she wanted nothing more to take that extended hand of his and show him that there was another way.

"Finn, if I knew what was going on and how this could affect us," she insisted. "I would tell you in a heartbeat. You know I would."

He gave her a faint smile and nodded. "I know, Rey," he said as he sat up.

Poe glanced towards the window, silent as he seemed to contemplate what she had just told them.

"They can already track the Falcon," she pointed out. "That's how we met Han and Chewie in the first place, they were looking for it, remember? We don't have much time."

"And it was obvious that he must have recognized the ship by the way he was firing on you guys," Finn said as he rubbed his chin. "I still don't understand why you would go to him. Didn't that seem like a trap? After what he did to Poe, what he did to me… Why did you go?"

"It's not so simple," Rey said softly, shaking her head as a trembling smile broke out on her face. "I felt… I felt _him._ Kylo Ren was clearer to me than you are here, right in front of me. I felt his struggle. He's not completely lost. If I had just gotten the chance to make him understand, to brought him back with me—"

"And then what?" Poe asked. "You're not that naïve, angel. He wouldn't have been welcomed here. Not after everything he's done. He fucked me up royally, left Finn in a coma, and killed two of the greatest Rebellion heroes. He's not what you want him to be."

"What are you saying?" she asked. "That we shouldn't even try to save him—"

"You can't save him," Finn insisted. "If Han couldn't do it on the base, what makes you think that you could? Whatever this is, it was a trap set by Snoke."

"No, what I felt was something different," she insisted, desperate to make him understand. "If this was just Snoke, Finn, he would have slaughtered me when he had the chance. If he were truly lost… I would be a mess on Snoke's throne room floor."

"You've always been strong, Rey, don't doubt yourself."

Her eyes flickered to the door of the cockpit only to widen at who she saw in the doorway.

Scanning the systems, his brow ticked upward. "So, Hux wasn't far off," Kylo Ren mused. "Not close enough, of course, but… closer than I expected."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, sorry. It seemed like a decent point to drop off, though. 
> 
> Again, this was originally posted on FF.net on 12/21/2017. Including the A/N.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Kylo Ren get a moment alone. Poe and Rey are sent to seek out the contact who answered their distress call on Crait.

As Rey gazed at Kylo Ren, the cockpit began to grow dim as Poe, Finn, and Chewbacca seemed to slow to a stand-still as she rose out of her seat. The streaks of the stars beyond the window had slowed back to pinpoints as if everything was stopping in time. Her breath stilled for a moment as she looked back to see her still sitting in the chair, her gaze seeming far away but just as still as the others. Spinning quickly, she faced him as he held a cool façade.

_You've always been strong, Rey. Don't doubt yourself._

His words had been at the same time coy, but there was a hint of sincerity there. Teasing as he had been when he'd captured and interrogated her, but now the curiosity of what she was that day on the Star Killer base had been replaced with a coldness that stopped her heart.

"This isn't how the Force works," Rey breathed. She had shut him out, hadn't she? When she had slammed that door, it had felt as if she severed him from her. But now he was there, seemingly able to see her surroundings. Meanwhile, she couldn't see his. All she felt was a vague humming within her, energy pulsing in broken beats as if the bond was struggling to remain. "Or at least, it's not how it worked before."

In the tight quarters, the distance between them closed quickly. The tension only grew thicker, leaving Rey unsure who had moved first, just knowing that they both felt that draw that had haunted them from the first day in the woods on Takodana. When there were only inches between them, Rey stopped herself as she felt herself jerk inwardly to keep herself from going any further. The urge to reach up and trace that scar on his face tickled at the tips of her fingers despite this, finding her easily drawn back into him as his energy hummed all around her. It was desperate, even as he tried to hide it in aloofness.

Silence sat between them as neither moved, but Rey felt herself yearning to reach out and touch him, to test this odd mutation in their bond. She was left looking up at him, his form towering and broad against her own petite frame. Her eyes met his, searching her as if she had the answer to a question he had yet to ask.

"Can you really see our navigator or are you just really good at guessing where I'd be?" she asked. If he could see their equipment, he could infer enough to figure out where they were going.

"Sitting in the cockpit of the Falcon with hotshot Dameron and traitor FN-2187 while that walking carpet pilots?" he asked, disdain tinging his words as his gaze flickered over the trio. "No, I didn't expect you and what's left of the resistance to fit into this hunk of tin. I think what you're asking is whether or not I can really see that you're blasting at light speed towards what I thought was dead space. Obviously, it's not."

Rey stiffened, keeping her chin up. Their next stop wasn't a planetary outpost, but the floating husk of an old Republic ship called the Calgua that had been repurposed at some point by some of the galaxy's most wanted criminals. They were criminals against the First Order and the former Republic alike, but at this point, it had been the only signal that had returned Leia's call for help.

It was all they had and now, Kylo Ren looked hungrily to the star systems beyond the window as if memorizing and fitting together each system.

"I think we should be able to catch up with all, oh…" he glanced away as if calculating the time. "A few hours at the most, and then you and the rest of the Resistance will submit to the First Order."

"We will never submit, Ben, you know that," Rey insisted, watching a hint of resonance touch his eyes as she stepped closer to him. The vague pulsing became stronger, the stability of their connection becoming erratic. "You would have to kill everyone here before that happened… including me."

He flinched as she suggested her death at his hands, his eyes pleading with her, and she closed another few inches between them.

"Rethink this path you're on," she murmured, a soft smile on her lips. "It's not too late."

She might as well have been a malfunctioning droid, repeating a line to a dead air. Still, she felt that kindred pull to him, that maddened her into repeating herself, desperate for him to finally hear her.

Carefully, she rose her hand to touch his cheek only for his gloved hand to grip her wrist. She flinched, surprised to feel his grasp so tight against her skin, but she didn't pull away. There was struggle there, she realized, as his lips twitched ever so slightly and his gaze seemed to soften despite his firm grip.

"I don't understand what you're planning," she murmured, allowing him to hold her arm there. Their touch on the island had been so slight, barely the brushing of finger tips, but it had been a symphony of sensations as brief as it was. That touch had been a flourish of wind and string, but this hold he had on her wrist was a thrumming percussion. He loosened his grip and her hand settled on his cheek, her thumb strumming his scar. "And I don't think you do either."

His raised flesh beneath her touch, she found it hard not to shudder. She found it even harder not to focus on his lips, tempting her to lose herself in his darkness.

"You've reached the height of your power," she breathed, searching his expression. "You have everything you have ever wanted. Luke Skywalker is dead, the Resistance is in shambles, and you have more than Darth Vader ever had. What else is there?"

He had made it clear to her that he was determined to forge ahead in extinguishing the Resistance, but to what end? He had spoken about letting the past die, but she couldn't understand why he would let the First Order survive and end the Resistance. To end the hope of a new beginning by losing it in his past.

Suddenly, she was in his arms, her palms against his hard chest as he wrapped an arm firmly around her waist, pulling her higher against him to better meet his dark gaze, the color of cognac and smoldering with desire. A crescendo of energy began to build between them, causing her breath to hitch as her lips parted. He craned her chin up to face him as he leaned closer to meet her. Again, she was met with that lost expression as if he were once again perplexed by her.

"Don't pretend like there's nothing else," he murmured, breath against her lips as he grew closer to closing the distance between them. "I made myself clear."

_Angel, hey, angel…_

Both of their heads spun quickly as they parted, to the frozen cockpit around them slowly brewing back to life. His voice was distant, slow, and echoing, but as the connection began to break, the dimness of their surroundings became clear. Slowly reaching, she watched Poe grab her shoulder in the chair and she felt it where she stood.

_Rey…?_

Finn reached forward to grab her knee, concern furrowed on his brow.

_Ben!_

Leia's voice thundered through the cockpit, heartbreak rippling the deteriorating connection. Rey watched him turn, meeting his mother's gaze deep gaze, her hand extended to him, before the connection shattered once more.

With a jerk, she felt herself slammed back into the chair, gasping as a shock rocked her entire body.

"He could… He could see…" she struggled to speak as she turned look at the control panel, looking over their map. She felt dizzy, the hunger she had felt for Kylo Ren— _Ben?_ she thought, brokenly—had yet to dissipate, but the very possibility that he had used her to find their location had pressed her to scramble for a plan.

She could feel Finn's gaze bouncing between her and the General while Poe's was fixed on her as she her fingers fumbled over the controls. Chewbacca had kept his sights on piloting the ship, but even he had stopped to give her pause. "It wasn't like this before."

"Rey," Leia's voice broke her panic as she looked between the four in the cockpit. "What is going on?"

* * *

Swallowing, Kylo Ren sat on the edge of his bed, struggling to regain his focus while a maelstrom of emotions roared within him as well as being drained of the energy it took to regain their bond. It had been like collecting pieces of his broken mirror and slowly, but surely, placing them together into one whole piece.

Still, he had seen her and her surroundings. It had been vague, dim against his own dark quarters, but still he had seen in what direction they were headed. It was dead space. There was no reason for them to be blasting at light speed toward nothing unless they were planning to run out of fuel and float in space until cabin fever took them all.

He had felt that spike of fear within her, though, when she thought he knew where exactly they were going. There was something out there, but as he sat there, panting softly as sweat dripped from his brow, it took more willpower than he had to think about the next course of attack.

She had been looking up at him, still hopeful that he would change his course and it shook his resolve again. That hopeful optimism that she naïvely clung to along with that loyalty to a cause that was doomed to fail continued to bring him to wavering, to losing sight.

He had gone there, hoping to gain the location of where they planned to hide next only to be caught by caught in the gravitational pull that was Rey. Like a sun, she pulled him from his course, disrupting his fated path. He was meant to bring new order to the galaxy, to rid the galaxy of the Republic and the Resistance. Instead, he had become distracted by the gentle trembling of her lips and her soft touch on the scar she'd marked him with, looking up at him as she pleaded with him once more.

Now, he was sitting in his quarters with a weakened energy and shifting a hardened shaft uncomfortably in his trousers.

If that bond hadn't begun to break, how far he would have gone… He had let her touch him, tempt him towards the light once more. Even with the distance between them, he had found that she could find and exploit that weakness within him far easier than anyone else could.

Besides for, perhaps, his mother. While he should have expected his draw to Rey, he never could have predicted Leia. After everything he had done, he expected more from her. She had called out to him, the desperation enough to send a shock to his senses. Unlike the others, she had seen him clearly, most likely even sensing him before she even reached the cockpit.

In that brief glimpse of her, the first that he had of her in years, he saw nothing but pity and sorrow on her face. He had expected anger and hatred, but never failing surprise him, he felt her desperate yearning, her hand extending to him even as she faded from his view.

It was this indelible desire to see the best in him that had made it impossible to fire upon her when he had the chance. If his father's death at his hand had left him so broken, his mother's death would have left him irrevocably fragmented.

He ran his hands over his slender face, dampening his hair with sweat and slicking it away as he took another deep breath.

Her cry had almost distracted him from the fact that Dameron had called Rey "angel." Not once, but twice. How familiar were they? She had reacted to his touch, turning easily when he called for her despite how enraptured he had been in the moment. He had thought that there was something possibly between her and FN-2187. Instead, Dameron was calling her pet names like they were familiar with one another.

He had long been a thorn in the side of the First Order and a walking propaganda piece for the Resistance. Now he was making a personal enemy of the Supreme Leader whether or not he was aware of it.

* * *

Leia had seen them both, embraced in the doorway, but by the way she spoke, she made it seem like she had only seen Kylo Ren. Her eyes had been clear, though, as she had looked at them both. Even now, she peered over her, after listening to Rey's full explanation, brows raised and lips tight.

"So, he knows where we're going and apparently… he can use this bond to see you and around you," Leia murmured before giving Chewbacca a sharp look. Despite her clear disapproval of what had been going on in the cockpit, she was trying to think just as quickly as Rey had after coming back into herself. "You should have told me if you'd known since Ahch-to. We're going to talk about this later, believe me, you walking carpet."

He grumbled an apologetically and Leia's expression softened.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that," she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"He knows we're in dead space," Rey stated firmly as she looked once more at the map. "But I don't think he knows exactly where we're headed, but if he can use this Force bond to find the Resistance, I can't be here. I can't let him use me to hurt our cause further."

Even if she thought there was light in him still, how could she risk what was left of the Resistance?

"We still need to get to the Clagua to figure out who sent out that signal," Leia pointed out. "We aren't about blast you off into dead space. There's nothing around for lightyears, so don't even think of launching yourself out of another escape pod."

"We could go ahead in a pod," Poe suggested, finally speaking up. Both he and Finn had decided to become strategically mute as Rey had spoken to Leia. "Everyone else stays here and lays low while Rey and I go and find whoever it was who sent out the signal."

"I could go on my own," she pointed out, frowning as she glanced over at Poe. "They need you here and, trust me, those escape pods were not made for two."

"We can get cozy," Poe shot her another one of his cocky grins that seemed to fit his face just right.

"It would be safer if I went on my own," she insisted. "If I experience our Force bond again, I doubt he'd be able to figure out where I'm at besides the repurposed starship."

"I don't see how that's any safer," Finn argued, concern written on his features. "If Kylo Ren decided to break into your mind again—"

"It's not breaking into my mind," Rey bit back, immediately regretting her tone. He couldn't understand. While she had a bond with Finn, pure and sweet, formed by their need to be seen as more than a drone Stormtrooper or abandoned scavenger, what she shared with Ben was immense and powerful, linking their very souls together by the Force itself.

"Whatever it is," Finn said, putting his hands up defensively. "If he can see what you see, where you are at… Doesn't that endanger whoever answered our call? Even if all he sees that you're on a ship, he'd get the face of the contact. We could end up with you captured along with the only person in this galaxy that seems willing to help us."

"It was stabilizing," Leia pointed out as she looked at Rey. "Whatever you described between you and… and Ben, I saw it. Dark and light, crushing together as the energy between you both struggled to match, but still... crushing." She gave Rey a point look. "You thought you shattered it, but he was reaching out to repair it. Whatever is driving him to repair it, the energy is in flux. Once you're both balanced, I believe whatever this bond is, it will be like you described it on Ahch-to. If you can be aware of that and guard yourself, he won't be able to use it against you."

"Well, that leaves the question," Poe murmured. "Do we want you to come with me to the Calgua or stay with the Resistance? If this Force thing doesn't stabilize like it's supposed to, what are we more willing to risk?"

"What makes you think you're going?" she asked. "Shouldn't you stay here?"

"Well, you'll need to commandeer a ship to get off of there, and you'll need a pilot—"

"I _am_ a pilot," she shot back.

"Okay, okay," Poe sighed, easing back in his seat as he glanced over at Leia. "I have a theory on who sent the signal, and I want to see them firsthand. Still, that leaves us with the question of whether you're going to stay or go. The mission or our cause."

"She'll go," Leia decided, breaking into their argument. "And so will you, commander. Even if Ben presses through again, the Calgua has enough scramblers in place to hide their location and the signal at least. He'd have a face of our contact, but nowhere to go with the lead. There's another old Rebellion camp a few clicks away. I'll give you the coordinates and we'll regroup there."

* * *

"Comfortable?" Poe asked, arms lifted and hands behind his head resting against his palms as she laid tightly against him, her arms to her side and face nearly touching his as it rested in the crux of his arm. She kept her gaze straight ahead, careful not to move against him. Unlike Ben who could engulf her easily in his embrace due to his large form, Poe was compact but still well built. Right then, she was trying hard not to focus on how easily they fit together in their tight quarters.

"Hardly," Rey replied as once again, she found herself launched from the _Falcon_ because of Ben Solo. This time, instead of running to him, she was running from him, trying to keep him from following the Resistance's tracks. "Who exactly do you think we're going to be running into?"

"An old friend of the general, obviously," he replied, his deep-set eyes focused on the stars.

"You think you're really cute, don't you?" Rey asked, smirking slightly as she rolled her eyes.

"I prefer to think myself a famous Resistance hero, dashing veteran of the Republic navy, and all around helluva good time, but if you think I'm cute, angel…"

"You blow up one Starkiller base," she teased lightly. "And now you're a 'famous Resistance hero?' Hero, maybe I'll give you that, but I'd never heard of you before I met Finn on Jakku."

"You get great quality vids on Jakku?" he asked, brow raised as he looked at her from the corner of his eye. "Because I've done more than that. You saw that battle on Crait—"

"Where I dropped out of the sky in the Falcon, distracting most of the First Order's forces," she pointed out. "And then gave you an exit. Yes, of course I saw that."

"I lead the attack on Takodana—"

"Where I was captured and interrogated by the First Order."

"I got that last piece of the map to Skywalker on Jakku," he answered, smirk starting to fade.

"But then you were captured and interrogated by the First Order," she said, starting to count off each point on one finger. "Then I found BB-8, and Finn after you both fell out of the sky, and then the Falcon to get us off world, before meeting Han and Chewie before leading us back to you leading the attack on Takodana, where I was captured…"

"I helped save a cult that worshiped an egg," he blurted out, clearly grasping at straws. "From the First Order."

"What?" Rey asked, unable to find a comeback to that. "You made that up."

"No, trust me, I wish I was making _that_ up," he chuckled, shaking his head at the memory. "'The savior unborn,' but then it wasn't unborn… Damn, that was a weird day. Anyways, most girls would have been impressed with the Star Killer base thing."

"Well—"

"You aren't most girls," he finished smugly, that roguish grin returning triumphantly.

"I was just going to say that I'm not easily impressed," she replied as their vessel neared the old Republic starship. It was clearly run down and wearing new colors, but it was immense. Where the Snoke's _Supremacy_ had been massive, this ship was only a bit smaller. No wonder it was able to host a colony.

The airlock popped as two thick, mechanical arms reached in, yanking both of them out of the vessel.

"Catch of the day," a garbled voice murmured as they found themselves surrounded by half a dozen smugglers, held hanging off the ground by a large droid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **That egg thing is a reference to the Poe Dameron comic, issue #1.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe make contact. Kylo Ren broods.

"Hey, hey!" Poe said, holding up his hands as he looked to the gang of smugglers, all clad in well-worn leathers, as both he and Rey with their feet still dangling feet above the ground. With a rustle, she felt her quarterstaff torn from her back by one of the men while another went for Poe's waist to take his blaster.

"Easy now, we were expected," he explained, "We're from the Resistance, coming in response to a call we got in regards to a signal General Leia Organa sent out."

As he spoke, Rey searched over the belts of the gang members, searching for blasters or any weapon that might be beneficial if things became stickier than they already were. It wasn't as if they hadn't known that they would have seemed suspicious, sliding into their hangar, but they couldn't risk sending out another distress signal in reply with the First Order searching for any sign of their remaining forces.

She was careful, though, letting Poe do the talking as she prepared for the worst. A group of six armed guards and a large droid meeting them wasn't the worst scenario she had been expecting. On their way over, she had imagined that they would have been facing two dozen pirates, armed to the teeth and ready to fight. Instead, if she could get them rearmed, it would be a pretty easy fight. The men seemed rather demure, their droid doing most of their work for them.

Still, the plan had been not to attack those on the Calgua unless they were attacked first. A trap, it seemed for the moment, wasn't something they had walked into. After all, she doubted that Ben would have attempted contact on the Falcon if he had a plan in place. Not one that he could enact quickly enough. As soon as they had settled on their plan of attack, she and Poe had been blasted towards the Calgua.

"Resistance?" a gruff man at the head of the group chuckled, shaking his head. He was gray, his skin cracked and aged by years of heavy work. "We run this hangar, me an' my boys. We know who comes in and out, and trust me, ain't no one told me that they were expectin' any Resistance rats t' scurry in."

"Do you mind maybe, uh, asking?" Poe asked. "You've gotta have a comm or something, right? Not to undermine you and your boys, Mister…?" He gave him a long look. Receiving no answer, he continued, "We can hang around as long as it takes."

"You heard 'im," the man grunted as gestured to the droid to follow him, purposively keeping them both dangling. "And the name's Alfdev Friscov. Just call me Alf. I'll make a call, but it could take, I dunno, a few hours."

"A few hours for what?" Poe demanded as they swung awkwardly as the droid followed. "Press the button, make a call, go up the chain of command until someone answers. That's something that takes _maybe_ fifteen minutes tops."

" _It. Don't. Work. That. Way_ ," he grumbled. "I'll be nice, put you in the pens, and we'll wait to see if anyone was expectin' a call from _Princess Leia_." His tone was disbelieving, but at least there was some reassurance that the General's name still carried some weight. "Every bounty hunter and their boss'll get a hard-on, say they answered the call, and we've gotta weed them out. We ain't a military unit with a chain. It's more trouble than it's work if we do it your way. _Oi, I got two kids sayin' Princess Leia o' the Resistance sent 'im. Be honest and come pick 'em up._ "

"We wouldn't have come all this way, in an escape pod for nothing," Rey insisted, finally breaking her silence. "Please. It's a matter of the life and death of those who remain in the Resistance. This place harbors those seeking haven from the First Order and what remains of the New Republic. You can't stick us in a pen like an animal. You've already got us unarmed."

"Eh, now, it's hardly fer animals," the man grunted, seeming mildly offended at the idea. "You don't think we don't get our fair share of wanderers stumblin' here? It'd surprise you. Just hold your fauthiers and we'll see what's what, sweetheart."

Rey gave Poe a sidelong glance, waiting to see whether or not he wanted to take a chance and fight. Wherever they were being taken, she should be able to attempt a mind trick or pull a blaster if they needed to. Still, she didn't know if it would be riskier to wait for a fight or try the half of a dozen men who still strode alongside them.

Either way, she had decided, legs dangling and unarmed, that she would never use one of those pods again. For the second time, she had come out of it captured and uncertain of her next time. Of course, the last time she had been at least certain in her decision, that shape of Ben's fate clear in her mind.

Now, she was pleading with smugglers just as she realized how long it had been since she had actually rested. The battle on Crait was barely a day away. When she had gone to Ben, she had been just preparing for bed before their touch and Luke blowing away her hut. With all the space travel, she was never sure how to count the hours without a sun or two over head.

Had it been already a day and a half since she'd slept? She remembered going longer without sleep, but a wave of exhaustion finally struck her at the absurdity of the number events that had taken place, not just in the past twenty-four hours, but in the past week.

Poe merely gave his head a shake and a rise of his brows as if to say, "Hold off on the Force."

She could do that.

Exiting the hangar, still being hulled by the large droid like ewoks by their scruff, they were carried around the rusting interior of the ship, leading finally to a cell with two cots. The droid set them down, the movement slow as their feet gently tapped onto the ground before it released them.

"Eh, so if ya don't mind… Just, erm, step inside," Alf said, gesturing awkwardly into the pens. "And we'll give a call to see if anyone's expecting anyone. So, ah, you got any names? Leia ain't here. I need some names. Who's giving the message?"

"Dameron," Poe cocked his chin up, raising a brow. "Poe Dameron."

" _Oooh-hooo_ ," Alf grinned, his tone inferring that it did seem that, yes in fact, Poe was as famous as he had thought himself to be in their pod ride over. "You'll have fun gettin' out of here if we can't see who answered your signal."

"Like I haven't heard that one before," Poe snorted, settling down on a cot.

Rey vaguely wondered when and where he would have heard that before.

"What about you, skinny?" he asked. "What's your name?"

"Rey," she answered with a shrug, settling down across on the cot across from Poe. Just sitting there, she felt sleep begin to call to her.

"Rey, what?" Alf asked.

Logically, she should have answered "of Jakku" or "from nowhere" as she had begun to in the last few days. She had often wanted that family name, clinging the very idea of having one, but now knowing what her family had been, "Rey from nowhere" was who she was. Even "of Jakku" brought up the pain of the past she had yet to fully deal with and in the dank cell of the Calgua, she wasn't about to start.

Delirious and the thought of sleep overriding all functions she answered: "Solo."

* * *

A gentle humming on Kylo Ren's nightstand called his attention, alerting him that General Hux wanted to be patched through. Hiding his antipathy for the man the best he could, he patched him into his quarters. He met the ginger man's glare coolly, allowing him to speak first.

It had become clear enough that there would be a struggle to keep Hux in line. Where Snoke had his loyalty, Kylo had none of it. They had been forever struggling to remain on top and even with Snoke gone, it was clear that Hux wanted no part in becoming his lap dog as he had been with Snoke. To be fair, he hadn't a desire to keep the other man around either, but it was becoming unavoidable.

With the armed forces of the First Order loyal to Hux, he found himself trying to weigh the pros and cons of getting rid of General Hux altogether. So far, he was coming out even.

"We have had no luck in finding the girl who killed Supreme Leader Snoke," he growled. "No signs of either her or the Resistance that harbors her."

"Our goal has always been to destroy the Resistance," Kylo said. "Whether or not the girl is harbored with them or elsewhere, I want her brought in alive."

Hux paused, trying to make sense of the words. "Alive?" he asked. "She killed our Supreme Leader, defeated all of his guards, and you— you failed to protect him—"

"I am the Supreme Leader and you will not speak to me—"

"You are a pauper parading as a prince," Hux seethed. "How did you survive where he and his guards did not, Ren?"

Slamming his hand into the air, he heard Hux's body slam to the floor.

"Find her and bring her in _alive_ ," he demanded as he kept his hand firmly with his palm down, trembling with force, keeping the general firmly pressed to the ground. "If that means leaving the rest of the Resistance alive and using them to find her, so be it. Just find her!"

"Y-Yes, Supreme Leader…" Hux coughed just as he cut the feed. Slamming his fist into the wall, he roared with frustration as exhaustion struck. Guilt had begun to gnaw at him, that lie about the throne room haunting him as realized that Rey was becoming the First Order's most wanted.

Hux wanted her dead, strung up like some enemy of old, presenting her body as proof that no one could escape the First Order's might.

Meanwhile, he was struggling to maintain control and find a convincing reason to keep her alive.

Lying back in bed, he struggled to find a sufficient reason to give to Hux once he pressed further. Sleep beckoned him as he laid there and he decided not to fight its call.

Dreams had never come easy to him. Even as a child he felt something dogging at the edges of his mind, a darkness threatening to engulf him as he struggled to remain balanced, as his uncle had called it. The scales seemed to be constantly tipping for him, edging him to one side of the other. More often than not, the darkness called to him, embraced him and whispered promises of power and pain.

His dreams had frightened him until he had embraced this truth: that he was his grandfather's heir, the one who would bring end to the Jedi order and bring true balance to the Force. Not destined to be the smarmy, cocksure pilot like his father, a shining paragon of the Jedi like his uncle, or a beacon of hope and light to the Republic, wise in the ways of politics like his ambassador mother.

Unlike Anakin Skywalker, he had not caved under his master's power, becoming a puppet to his cause. Rather, he had risen above whatever vague destiny Snoke saw for the galaxy, and planned to claim it for his own. To push forward, with or without Rey.

He sighed at the thought of any of this without Rey. Standing with his hand outstretched, offering her everything he had in Snoke's throne room, she had been his future. Now, he found himself dreading that she was his past.

Lying in bed, it seemed impossible to imagine that plan for the galaxy without her. The thought of dreaming, of visions, at a time when he found that doubt welling up within him, pulling him all directions when he knew what had to be done… That uncertainty could only bring him pain.

His eyes closed, the dull rising and falling of his own breath lulling him to sleep, dreams swimming at the forefront of his mind as he fell, searching for balance.

Instead, he saw Rey; not in a dream, but in a vision of the past.

Her sun-kissed skin, splattered in patches of freckles, seemed to glow as she gave a wide grin, excitedly chattering about how she had bypassed something or another in the _Falcon_. That hazel gaze of hers glittered as she looked on his father, grayed and worn, but gruff and affable in his own way. She looked at him with that admiration he had seen in her on the base when he had pressed into her mind, to find weakness.

He hadn't realized it then, with no inkling of what she could mean to him, of what she was beyond a possible rival, of how he would do anything to capture that brilliant joy of hers and keep it close to him. That she who he had seen only as a scavenger, lonely and naïve, would be warmth to him.

Selfishly, he watched despite knowing the tears he would bring her later. She had been so quick to cling onto Han Solo just as she had been with FN-2187 and seemingly with Dameron.

As she had been with him. He'd thought their bond, even beyond the Force pulling them together, as special. His eager desire to reach to her like the sun she was, her very light, might have blinded him to the truth. That perhaps she felt no love for him, but instead she merely had a kind heart.

In their embrace on the _Falcon_ , he hadn't doubted her. When those eyes, guileless and inviting, he saw nothing but her pure desire to save him, and felt nothing but his own desire to make her see that he needed no saving. He needed only her.

Kylo wanted, just for a moment, to have her look at him with that same pure light, speak to him as candidly as she did with his father and FN-2187 in this distant memory.

 _Not for you…_ Something called to him, mocking him as he found that brief moment of serenity in watching the simple moment. _Never for you._

Again, as the scene changed, he saw her smiling warmly. This time while embracing FN-2187 for coming to her rescue on the Starkiller base. Overwhelmed, she clung to him.

Overjoyed that he would come for her, Kylo found himself wondering, or overjoyed that anyone would come to her after years on that damned wasteland Jakku, longing for someone who would never return? He couldn't hear what she was saying, but that brilliance he had seen before seemed to radiate from her as she spoke with the traitor. He felt like a man who could go blind, staring into the sun but enraptured by the sight.

" _Please_ ," the word fell from his lips without hesitance before the image of faded into darkness, her smile gone as only darkness greeted him as well as the stench of old rust.

He felt his brow tense as he sat up in bed, realizing that he was awake. That dim smell faded, but as he looked down at his bed, he saw her lying there. None of the world around her, but just her. As it had been before…

If he pressed, he wondered, could he gain the insight that he had on the _Falcon_? To see where exactly she was, he thought, would be tempting. It would be pragmatic, a next step to bringing the Resistance to heel.

Instead, he extended a hand and hesitated as he left it to hover her sleeping form. His fingers lowered, tucking loose strands from her face behind her ear. Watching her, he gained another first… she was unguarded, relaxed. Still, she leaned into his touch, seeming to yearn for it just as badly as he yearned to touch her once more.

He felt her began to fade once more, leaving him with only a sleepy mumble, crying out another man's name.

* * *

"Poe… don't…" Rey waved off the dream she had been having. In the dream, someone had been watching over her, stroking her hair with the gentlest touch. In her heart she had known who it had been, but her mind wouldn't allow herself to process it. So, Poe was the next logical answer. Upon waking, she sat up with a jolt, slapping away nothing but air. Blinking, she saw no one near her and Poe was across the room, lying on his cot.

It had felt so real, as if he had moved over to her side of the pen.

"Sounds like you had a sweet dream," Poe remarked with a slight grin.

"I-It wasn't of you," she grumbled, unable to hide her embarrassment as she straightened up on the cot. "How long have I been asleep?"

"A couple of hours," he yawned, rolling his shoulders back with a pop. "I think they should be coming soon. I saw a few of Alf's boys rushing back and forth like they were preparing for royalty."

"So, they've found the contact," Rey said as she got to her feet, stretching out her back as she did so. "Good! Maybe we'll have some good news to take back to Leia."

As she spoke, an older man approached the glass of the cell, peering in inquisitively with a bemused grinswagger of on his lips. He was dark-skinned and dressed in simple clothing of the finest tailoring, a blue cloak over his shoulders, and walked with the a scoundrel.

"Well, well, well…" he murmured as he eyed Poe curiously, seeming to appreciate what he saw. "I wasn't surprised that Leia would send Shara Bey's boy. You look more like your father, though, and probably act like him too. Lacking Shara's good sense."

His gaze flickered over to Rey, inspecting her with his dark eyes. "But you definitely don't look like a Solo," he mused. "At least, you weren't what I was expecting."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, a little shorter. But… hopefully it's not too dull? Thanks for reading!
> 
> Originally published on FF.net on 12/27/2017.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia finds a moment to mourn. Rey and Poe discuss the Resistance's needs with Lando. Kylo Ren makes a bold demand of Hux.

Sitting alone in the cockpit, silence had washed over Leia and Chewbacca in the wake of Poe and Rey's departure, as everyone else had settled in as they changed their course once more. While she had allowed Rey to be vague in front of both Finn and Poe, she knew what she had seen when she had walked into the cockpit.

It was brash, a foolish move on her son's part to think that she wouldn't have sensed him. Even when he had been in the womb, she had felt him and he had felt her. It was something that she had clung to, that delicate string that kept them connected. Every time she looked out into the stars, her heart reached for him, searching for him in the grand vastness of space, hoping that she could feel him reach back.

As she watched him from behind, she could read his despair, and it was as if just being near Rey left him crestfallen. The way he had held Rey, though, he looked like a man with nothing to lose. Their embrace had been impassioned, but she had seen nothing but mourning in Rey's eyes as she looked up at Ben. He held her tightly, as if letting her go would mean losing her forever. The way Rey had scrambled, distressed and desperate to change their course to escape him, she didn't doubt that his fears weren't unfounded.

His back had been to her, but as he spun to face her as she called his name, she was met with nothing but conflict in his eyes. The eyes of his father.

Often, she had reassured Han that she saw so much of him in Ben their shared expressions. Their eyes had lit in same warmth, their faces skewed with the same surprise, and occasionally, when he gave a bashful grin, he looked so much like Han, when the scoundrel was away, it made her ache with longing for him to return.

Broken, caught briefly by her gaze, he looked like a stranger to her. Face scarred and clad in black, he was no longer the boy she had left with Luke to train, but a man with an Empire at his fingertips. Even if she remembered counting every mole on his face, placing a motherly kiss on each dot, how could she look at him as if he were still her little boy, when he had taken so much from her?

And still, she wanted nothing more to take him by the shoulders and shake him, to hold him, to understand _why_.

Again and again, she could say it was Snoke, but as she grieved for not only her husband, but now her brother, hope for his soul was fleeting. It was like trying to cling to shadow. She could embrace herself in the darkness, but she could never hold it. Once light came to chase the dark away, he was gone.

Despite this, she had called out to him and reached for him. She had wanted nothing more than to hold her son one more time, to crush him in her embrace and let him know that she was still there.

If Vader could be redeemed, even briefly, why couldn't her son come back to her? The light had long left Vader, but when it came to Ben, she had felt it within him, struggling to surface like a man drowning and kicking desperately to break air. It was still there, merely struggling.

A soft growl broke her away from her thoughts as Chewbacca reached over with a furry paw and placed it on her own hand, his dark eyes misty.

She blinked as she realized she had begun to cry, tears pouring down her cheeks. Giving her old friend a broken smile, she let them come, too tired of holding them back to pretend that her heart didn't constantly ache.

Time continued to march on, not waiting on her to find a proper moment to mourn Han and, now, Luke. She had lived so much of her life apart from them, like ships in the night passing briefly and coming back together just for small moments that were never long enough. Now, there would be no more happy moments, lighting up the darkness of the constant battles they found themselves in.

It was just her and Chewbacca. Of course, she had her ragtag group of rebels, Threepio, her hotheaded Poe who had become something of a surrogate son to her, but Luke and Han were etched into her very soul. Without them, she didn't feel entirely whole.

No one was ever entirely gone, but she still pined for one more boyish grin from Luke or one more roguish kiss goodbye from Han. Just to walk arm-in-arm between them just once more. After Alderaan, never did she feel more at home than she had been with her farm boy and her scoundrel.

"You know, you could have pulled me aside and let me know about whatever it is that's going on between Rey and Ben," she murmured, shaking her head weakly. "You flew her out, launched her at that ship, when she could have been-"

He interrupted her with another growl, still gentle, but pleading.

"You thought she could bring him back," she murmured, giving his paw a tight squeeze before releasing it. While Luke had taken to teaching him in the ways of the Force and had always tried his best as an uncle and teacher, Leia had always appreciated that Chewbacca had loved Ben as if he were his own blood. After years spent with the Wookie, she had begun to believe that the life-debt he owed her husband was the least of the reasons that he had stuck around.

Now, hearing his gentle plea, the simplicity of that air of hope that perhaps Rey might have been able to bring him back… she felt that desire to believe that maybe it could be true. As foolish as it seemed, if someone could reach out to Ben, it could be Rey. Having watched him, even for that glimpse, she could bring balance to his troubled soul.

The Force, it seemed, like to twist and move in ways that no one ever could quite understand, but in the end it always seemed to work out for the best. She had learned that long ago when she had sent out Artoo to find Obi-Wan. If Luke's uncle had never purchased the droids, she doubted that he would have ever searched for the old Jedi master, leading him to Han, and leading them both to her.

If it was bonding Rey and Ben, perhaps there was hope for at least one person lost to her returning.

"You still should have told me," she scolded as she gently rose a hand to wipe away the tears that had streaked her cheeks. Whatever this connection to Rey was, she wasn't sure. In the aftermath of Crait, nothing seemed to make sense to her, but she wanted to believe that it was _something_. "I don't know how this is all going to pan out, Chewie, but I'm glad that you're here with me."

Now, all she had to worry about was Poe keeping his head cool and them both making back from the Calgua with good news.

* * *

"So, we've got a Dameron and a Solo?" the older man smirked coyly as the doors to the pen opened. He inspected Rey with a curious eye, cutting her down just with his gaze. "Or at least, we've got a Dameron. Unless… you're… Han's niece? Or cousin?"

"She just dropped the name to get the contact's— _your_ — attention," Poe said quickly, shooting Rey a quick glance before turning back to the man.

Her head swam for a moment, trying to figure out why he thought she was a Solo until the realization had hit her. She _had_ said that out loud. Her heart thrummed, knowing that she would have to answer to Poe later.

Still, he covered for her, continuing to speak casually to the man, "It worked."

"Interesting tactic, but I guess you're right, _it_ did work," the older man murmured, his gaze briefly suspicious, but he gestured for them to follow. He walked with long steps away from the pens and deeper into the ship. The further they walked, the less rusted it seemed to be, but every glance in their direction was hard and calculating, looking over both she and Poe as if they were prey. "So, you're from the Resistance. If Leia is sending out her own personal signal… I imagine that things aren't going well."

"You seem to know a lot about us, but you mind letting us in on who you are?" Poe asked, his brow furrowed, trying hard to hide an eagerness that Rey understood well enough. At the mention of his mother, she had noted how Poe had perked up, no doubt eager to hear whatever it was the man had to say about her.

"The name is Calrissian," the man answered, looking over his shoulder to flash a rakish grin. "Lando Calrissian. I fought with your mother, Shara, during the battle of Endor. She nearly shot Luke Skywalker out of the damn sky when he was escaping from his battle with the Emperor and Vader." He chuckled at the memory before smiling wistfully. "She was one hell of a pilot."

Rey watched as Poe's expression seemed to soften, the constant air of cocky flyboy breaking just for a moment. She envied him, just then in that brief warmth of _knowing_. While she knew nothing about his past with his mother, she knew her own, and knew that she would never get a passing anecdote. Never would someone look at her with that wistfulness of yesterday and say that she reminded them of her parents.

Still, she found a small smile ticking onto her lips as she glanced away before it completely dawned on her who she was talking to.

"Wait, _the_ Lando Calrissian?" Rey asked, brows furrowed as she looked at him. "Where have you been? _Here?_ Don't you know… Don't know you know there's a war? People are dying—"

"That's why I answered the signal," Lando said, raising a hand to silence her as he moved along. "We've been getting an increase of those running from the First Order and even refugees from the New Republic. Trust me, this place is no place for women and children, but I'm not about to send these people back."

"Why weren't you involved sooner?" she demanded.

They passed by a makeshift cantina with a sign that promised "exotic dancing from exotic women." Images of multiple species were painted below the script. Through the windows, Rey caught sight of game of sabaac gone wrong as a man kissed the hot end of a blaster. She flinched, but both Poe and Lando continued to walk. In the next window, there was a Twi'lek swaying her hips, their gaze shortly meeting before Rey glanced away quickly, her face heating with embarrassment. She had thought that Maz's place had been seedy, but compared to the Calgua, it seemed tame, if not lively.

"You just said you were at the battle of Endor," she continued. "You have experience fighting injustice of the Empire, and if the stories are true, you know important it is that we defeat the First Order. Why are you in here of all places?"

"Because I belong _here_ , of all places," Lando replied, his grin fading. He didn't look back at the pair as they walked along, merely continuing to walk with purpose. "My days of dashing heroics ended a long time ago, but that doesn't mean that I won't answer the call of an old friend."

"What exactly do you have in this old rust bucket that could help?" Rey asked. After what Finn had experienced on Canto Blight with the codebreaker, she found herself wary. If he was like that man, they could find themselves in league with someone else who'd rather trade the good of the galaxy for a pile of credits. "Are you offering up your connections? You're surrounded by mob bosses, pirates, and criminals."

"She's got a point," Poe agreed. "You've been underground for how long?"

"What, because Leia couldn't come herself, she sends the two of you to make up for her whatever nagging appeal she wanted to make?" Lando sighed as he held open a door, revealing a large, expansive living quarters.

"She didn't know it was you," Poe answered, a frown on his lips, his tone harsh. "We didn't have clue, but we came in hot anyways. We've lost a lot of good men and women, and we need any help that we can get."

"Han's probably got better pull than I do, less ambiguous connections, too," Lando said casually as he walked over his bar, running his hands carefully over the various bottles before picking up a bottle of fine Corellian rum and pouring himself a glass.

He tipped the bottle up to them both, offering, but they gave each other a careful glance before declining.

"Why even risk coming to this place before going to him?" he asked as he poured the warm, amber liquid. "He's been playing pirate for a while now, trying to escape what he left behind, but he's damn good at playing the part. Mention Leia… He's always been soft for her. He'd leave it all in a heartbeat."

 _Less than a week_ , her heart ached. Again, Rey was reminded that all that had occurred at been barely a week as they stood before Lando. If he had barely gotten their distress signal, there was no way that he had heard about Han. Especially if he was hiding in a place known for its cloaking and scrambling equipment.

"Mr. Calrissian," Poe said, suddenly sounding more like a navy man than the cocksure Resistance hero he proclaimed to be.

"Lando," the other man murmured cautiously, his lips just above his glass. His dark eyes became sharp as he held his breath, waiting as he kept his eyes on Poe.

"Lando," Poe said as he folded his hands behind his back. His tone didn't lack empathy, but he spoke with responsibility. "Han Solo died earlier this week at the destruction of the Starkiller base. He was killed by Kylo Ren during a mission to lower the blast shields to allow for its destruction. He died a hero."

Rey closed her eyes as Poe spoke, that feeling of being stretched in two directions rising once more. While she had no delusions on what had happened on the bridge, having watched the event unfold before her eyes, over the last week she had felt Ben's feelings of abandonment, being cast aside.

While they had been unfounded, the moment Luke had stood over Ben, every doubt and every fear must have become his truth. With Snoke guiding him, seeking that power that raged within him, Luke had played right into the Sith lord's hands.

Still, Han had called out to him so desperately, wanting nothing more to bring him home and to save him from himself. The act might have torn him in two, starting to ease him away from Snoke's control, but she found herself wondering if she could ever forgive Ben truly. With his hand extended, he had wanted her to let the past die. She knew that if she ever hoped to have him at her side, he needed to face it.

Lando paused for a moment, lips still resting on the edge of his glass. He was silent for a moment before he downed the entire glass.

"Damn, well..." he choked, the liquid burning his throat as he tossed the glass down hard against the table with a clatter. " _Damn._ "

* * *

"If we find the girl, Ren wants her alive," Hux hissed to one of his subordinates as they continued to search the system for any signs of the remaining rebels.

On Crait, if they hadn't been distracted by the tunnel vision of Ren's fevered pursuit of Skywalker, they would have had them. If Ren hadn't madly moved to defeat an old man and turned their big guns on that damned door, the dim embers of the Rebellion would have been extinguished. Instead, they were chasing them like mice, scurrying from one hole into the next.

He had his doubts about Ren. How could one girl take out the elite guards, Ren, and Supreme Leader Snoke himself? While Ren might have thought him a fool, he knew better. Right and left hands of the Supreme Leader, they had struggled to earn the dark lord's trust and to rise over one another.

Never once had he trusted Kylo Ren, son of two of the Republic's most famous war heroes, nephew to another. Even if he was Darth Vader reborn in his dark strength, Hux had never thought that he could entirely devote himself to the First Order. Not with the chains of the New Republic and the Jedi order ever causing him to waver.

The way Ren pursued the girl, though, made him wonder if perhaps he might be wrong. There was a fervor there, a hunger to have her in his clutches. If he wanted her alive, either the punishment planned was to be excruciating. Though, Hux wondered if Ren had been in on the entire thing.

"If we find her, bring her in alive, but don't be gentle," Hux insisted, his tone low as he talked to the Lieutenant. "I want her to pay for what she has done to the First Order, how she's weakened us. We'll make an example of her. Be sure to keep that order from Supreme Leader… Kylo Ren."

The name was bitter in his mouth and the distaste showed clear on his pale face.

"Yes, sir," the woman replied, unable to hide her own hesitance. While Snoke had made his power obvious, Ren had begun his rein oddly cool as if his rage was boiling beneath the surface of that cool façade. Crait had shown that mercurial nature that he was known for, but now he seemed secluded, constantly meditating, and claiming to be searching for the Resistance.

No doubt, many of the officers were waiting for one of those intense bursts of rage that Ren had made himself famous for. Even in his few encounters with the man, he had waited for a ticking vein to burst. Despite this, he kept his call deciding to risk his anger when the time came.

* * *

"So, what does Leia need?" Lando asked as he glanced between the pair. Poe cleared his throat, imagining the small group left behind in the _Falcon_. Rose needed a proper medical kit. Whatever had been kept in there by the junk dealer on Jakku was shoddy, the everything expired besides for the bandages.

" _Anything_ ," Rey insisted before Poe got a chance to reply. He watched her, letting her speak as he found himself studying her, watching how she planned to negotiate with Lando.

He didn't know much about her besides for the fact that both Finn and BB-8 seemed to trust her, but even as he flirted, he was wary of her. She had saved them on Crait, leading the First Orders forces away from them followed by her clearing their path for their escape, but the whole business with Kylo Ren left him nervous.

When he watched her, eyes bright and expression fervent, he could see what they saw. He didn't see a Sith warrior, waiting to pounce and destroy what they were fighting to build, but whatever bond she had with Kylo Ren, it couldn't be good. He knew the power that brewed within him, the surging energy that he wielded. The torture he had experienced under his command wasn't something that he would ever forget. Not easily.

"We only have a dozen or so people left, all packed in the _Falcon_ ," she explained. "We are struggling to keep this Rebellion going—"

"It sounds like you're at the losing end of this battle," Lando muttered as he poured himself another glass of rum. While they had quietly informed him of Luke's death as well as Admiral Akbar's and various other veterans lost in the last few days, the blow didn't strike him as hard as it had with the news of Han's. "You'd be smart to catch the next shuttle off this place and into the next system."

"Then I'm the biggest fool you've ever met because I won't let this rebellion die," she insisted, shaking her head. Her head held high as she spoke, Poe found that she didn't look like a scavenger or even what he imagined a Jedi to be.

Instead, he saw a woman with a burning desire to protect those torn and tossed aside in the galactic civil war that never seemed to cease. "We have been running since the Starkiller base exploded and I can't let us run, being picked off person by person while the First Order allows people to suffer. I was raised as a slave, never knowing what freedom truly was, and I refuse to go back to it and let others suffer that fate."

"Lando," Poe found himself saying, turning his attention back at the old scoundrel. "I know you've just lost a friend, but he gave his life so that the Republic might have a fighting chance. You've clearly got some connections here. What are you, an underboss or something?"

"Underboss?" Lando chuckled bitterly as he took another drink. "I'm the damn Kingpin. I drove the Hutts off of this hunk of Republic scrap seven years ago. Everything you see here is mine."

He was quiet for a long moment as he thought, a frown on his lips as he walked over to his desk, flicking through his documents. "I've got some Republic soldiers who just landed earlier this week… and a few _associates_ that have been keeping cover from the First Order for quite some time. They should be a decent enough crew to freight over supplies and add a few bodies to your count."

"But you're not coming," Poe accused, his brows furrowing as he felt frustration boil. "You can't just stay here when the entire galaxy is falling apart—"

"I'm not a hero, kid," Lando insisted as he looked at the pair. "I followed heroes into their fight. I'll support the cause for Leia's sake, for _Han's._ I'm too old to be plunging myself into another galactic civil war."

"But you _are_ a hero," Rey insisted, her tone crushed. He watched as a hopeful smile twitched at her lips as she looked at him with admiration, desperately pleading with him. "Like Han and Luke-"

"And Shara and Akbar," he snapped, that cool Calrissian façade cracking. Poe felt a twinge of pain at the mention of his mother once again. "Good people, lost too soon. Trust me, skinny, I've never been good people. Just take what I'm offering and get back to Leia. Let her know I'll be in contact with her. We'll get a private channel open just for her."

With that, he stepped into an adjacent room, setting to work.

"Chin up, angel," Poe said, flashing her a grin. Her face had fallen as Lando meandered off, and the disappointment on her face made him realize how young she was. Barely a woman, but as he looked at her, he was more than aware that she wasn't a girl even with his own quiet suspicions on her allegiance. He watched a hint of annoyance quirk onto her face before softening into a shy smile. "Things are finally turning around."

* * *

"Supreme Leader," Hux hissed over the vid comm. Kylo Ren could hear the disdain in his voice every time they connected. Another mark against him, he decided. Of course, any instance in which he saw or heard Hux was a mark against him. Still, he continued to wonder how long it would take for Hux to move against him.

"We have had contact in regards to where the Resistance may be headed next," he continued. "Poe Dameron and the girl have been in contact with the Calgua, a vessel that is, apparently, loaded up criminals, gamblers, smugglers, pirates, and any other scum you could imagine. No wonder the Resistance is reaching out to them. What allies do they have left?"

"They're in dead space," he murmured, realizing why their scanners had read the area as nothing but a debris field, filled with nothing but garbage and the occasional meteoroid, and why he had sensed that fear in Rey that perhaps he knew where they could be. "Rey and Dameron, if the ship is cloaked, how did they even reach it?"

He tried to focus strictly on the information that he was being given by Hux, but at the mention of Rey and Dameron together caused a dull pounding to begin in his temple, fury edging ever closer to boiling over. He knew what he had heard as he watched her sleep. She had called out Dameron's name as slept, as he stroked her hair, she had called out for _him_. The simple syllable falling from her lips in a soft sigh that stung him like a blade in the back.

Whatever it was that had been between them, that he could feel still bonded them, even as they went their separate ways, wasn't enough it seemed. He had thought that perhaps finally, that loneliness that plagued him and lead him so easily into Snoke's sway was finally over. Now, all he could think of was Rey, falling easily for Dameron's cocky charms. Just another betrayal and another person he thought he could care for, _gone._

Perhaps it had just been Snoke, pulling the strings, leading him along like a puppet. He had merely miscalculated, not accounting for the crave within him for someone to reach out and dull the forlorn ache in his chest. He was left torn and planning, trying to decide if he should be her end or her salvation.

At his reach, he had the greatest military forces in the entire galaxy and she was just one woman with a handful of deluded hopefuls.

"Yes, but they have been using scramblers to keep the base hidden from the New Republic and the First Order alike," Hux replied. "Leaving the area seemingly empty. It's impressively high tech for the remains of an old Republic starship. Dameron and the girl, apparently, have made contact with one of Han Solo's old associates.

"It seems that they even dropped his name when they showed up to get the attention of the base's leader. They're planning to bring supplies and extra hands to the Resistance. Where they are headed… our contact hasn't received that information just yet. They're leaving in a convoy of ships."

"I want that convoy intercepted," he murmured, his mind carefully weaving together a plan as he stood there. If she wanted so badly to be his enemy, he'd play right into her hands. "Intercept whatever ship the girl is on. I want to be informed as soon as we have her. We let the other ones go, letting them think they've made it out free, but I want them tracked to the Resistance base. Once the base is tracked, await my order."

"Of course, Supreme Leader," Hux replied, ending the transmission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst! Next chapter we get some action, we get our Reylo… together…?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren's plans catch up with him. For the Resistance, Rey makes a sacrifice. Hux is a major tool.

"I dreamt of you last night," Rey murmured, standing near the window as she looked out on the cosmos. She had yet to shake the awe she felt as she looked out onto the stars. Distantly, they passed a blue and red dwarf, orbiting one another in stellar dance, forever circling one another until one's light extinguished.

Like Leia had said, their bond had seemed to stabilize. Ben had appeared once again, as he had on Ahch-to unable to see anything but her, but this time, but this time he hadn't spoken. Unlike the time in the _Falcon_ , where his own desire to make contact and repair the bond had been palpable, blurring her own judgment and senses, this time he was simply there.

He pretended as if he didn't see her, didn't hear her, even as she continued to speak casually to him. As she kept herself turned from him, she sensed him there, brooding.

She didn't like him brooding, she decided, unable to truly sense what he was feeling. Dull, she sensed through the Force that he was conflicted, but she found that was nearly a constant. Of course, that had been besides for his acts in Snoke's throne room.

The engine of the old freighter hummed gently, the noise comforting the dead silence of space. It was an old thing, like the Calgua, but it was all they had to carry the supplies that Lando had given them as well as a few smaller ships. Poe and few others had taken to piloting a couple of cruisers, creating a small convoy.

The gathering of everything they had needed, establishing a private comm link with Leia, and properly planning their route had taken nearly a day and a half.

Now, they had been travelling for days, weaving carefully as they tried to keep their path ambiguous for anyone who might be tracking.

She sat in the silence for a long moment, not turning to face him.

"Are you going to talk to me?" she asked unable to hide her frustration. "Or just stare?" She couldn't stand that stare of his. The haunted longing she found within his dark eyes pained her and left her struggling to keep her balance.

"You dreamt of me?" he finally spoke, that deep baritone sending a shiver up her spine. He didn't sound bemused or even curious. Instead, he sounded accusatory, as if he were asking her another question altogether.

"Yes," she answered, finally turn to meet his gaze. There was no yearning she had grown accustomed to, or even his poor attempts to hide it; she was met with a burning rage. Her voice got caught in her throat for a moment, as she tried to understand where this was coming from. Could his frustration with her finally come to a head?

Whatever it was, it made her dream seem far more important that she had initially thought. While she had dreamed of Ahch-to her entire life, her soul practically calling to escape Jakku, she had never given much credence to dreams until arriving on Luke's rocky island.

"Ben," she whispered. "Ben, what is it?"

"Don't," he said, voice trembling. "Don't be so familiar. Don't act as if you know me."

"I _do_ know you," Rey bit back, her brow furrowed as she started to approach him. "What I don't know is why you're looking at me like that. I have already told you that my place is with the Resistance. Your place could be here to—"

"Alongside you and _Dameron_?" he murmured, his bitterness striking Poe's name rather hard.

"And your mother," Rey murmured. "She saw you. You and I, that day on the _Falcon_. She wants you back… I sense it whenever I'm around her. She aches with remorse. She tries to hide it for the sake of the Resistance, but she misses. You know this, Ben."

He turned from her, looking briefly as she might have well as smacked him across the face with her gentle coaxing. Rey wondered if he had seen the pain on Leia's face before their bond had broken once more, heard how she had cried out for him and reached for him.

"The boy she longs for is gone," he answered, his words solid. "He died on the night her brother rose his blade to strike me down—"

"You asked me to forget the past," Rey said, frustration swelling in her chest, causing her throat to burn as she bit out the words. "You asked me to kill it if I had to, but you're too afraid to face your past and heal from it. Luke made a mistake. Leia and Han made mistakes, but they're people. We're all fallible, Ben. Talk to me. _Please._ "

The freighter rocked, knocking her off her feet and slamming her into the nearest wall. A surprised cry escaped her as sirens began to scream, the pilot coming on line over the intercom.

"First Order starfighters are in pursuit, they've made contact with and have attached themselves to the _fucking_ ship," a woman's voice barked. Eira Kirse, a short, heavy-set New Republic veteran with a foul mouth had taken the helm of the freighter. She had been all humor, but over the past few days flying, she had seemed more than capable as a captain. "All hands available and ready to fight… get ready. We've got company."

Rey rubbed the back of her head, having raised her gaze to meet Ben's. She parted her lips, preparing to demand that he call off the starfighters, only to find that he wasn't there.

Scrambling to her feet as the ship gave another rock, she grabbed her quarterstaff as she prepared to head towards the helm of ship. The other Republic veterans that had been onboard seemed to have the same idea, hurrying the helm and locking each door behind them.

While four focused on keeping the First Order locked out, Rey and two others headed to the cockpit where Eira and two others struggled to shake the attached vessel.

"Dameron and Morris are trying to flank them," Eira bit out as they entered. "I've got a man in the gunnery, but the other ships are moving too fast for him. How the hell did they find us?"

"Lando said that this crew was clean," Rey said, looking over their equipment. Ben couldn't have known where they were. They hadn't bonded since that day on the _Falcon_. She hadn't even known where their next stop was going to be. "And we checked for trackers before we left."

"Well, either we've got a mole somewhere or they've got some primo tracking tech," Eira snapped as the ship rocked once more. "We've got three starfighters biting at our asses and that cruiser is already locked and their preparing to board."

"Captain, we're getting a comm request," the officer to her left said, shock touching his pale features. "Should we patch them through?"

"What do you think, Harsk?" she asked, gesturing at the dash as she gave the man a frustrated look. Rey vaguely wondered if this woman was really a Republic veteran. Her demeanor and her foul mouth weren't what she would have expected. "Patch in Commander Dameron, too."

"Patching them through," the man called, his voice cracking.

"This is General Hux of the First Order." He sounded cool and calm, as if they were in they were about to make plans for afternoon tea. "While you are dealing with our small brigade of starfighters and our men prepare to board your freighter, one of fleets are preparing to come out of hyperspace and blast you all out into the ether like the rebel scum you are."

"But you thought that you'd make contact first?" the pilot asked, her voice sickeningly sweet, mocking the man. "Aren't you _fucking_ precious!" Her voice dropped an octave. "What do you want?"

"It's been too long, Hugs," Poe called coyly. "Be a man and answer the lady, alright? Let her know what you want."

" _Dameron_ ," Hux seethed, that coolness broken.

"You want _me_?" he asked, feigning bashfulness even as he managed to shake one of the starfighters from the freighter. "Well, now, I'm flattered, really… But I've never found a man in jackboots attractive."

"We want the girl!" Hux snapped, his voice trembling with fury, the pair cracking his façade like a hammer to glass. "The Jedi that killed Supreme Leader Snoke! We'll give you a chance to surrender her to us to her, or we can _blast_ all of you out of the sky."

Rey felt dread wash over her, the words striking her slowly. Ben had let them believe that she had been the one to kill Snoke. _Of course_.

How else could he be alive and with the First Order if that wasn't the case? Still, it had put a target on her back and their convoy in danger. The air was knocked from her chest as she struggled for a moment to breathe before she reached for the comm.

"I'm here," she answered, her voice wavering ever so slightly. Despite everything, they needed to get the freighter, the cruisers, and all the supplies to the new base. If she could give herself up to save what little they had, she would do it.

"Rey, we can shake them," Poe insisted over the comm. "You're not handing yourself over to the First Order—"

"But Dameron," Hux sighed. "Two cruisers and a freighter can't shake the rest of the fleet that's inbound."

"What's keeping you from blasting the freighter to hell?" Poe demanded, struggling to fire upon the two remaining starfighters, entering a dangerous dance of a dogfight. "Once you get what you want? Your good word? Angel, don't do this. It's a trap."

His voice, the soft hint of desperate fervor that she found there, made her pause. Only for a moment, but still… She felt a tinge of pain. _Angel._

A blast sounded as the First Order broke into the main hold. One last push and they would be banging on the door of the cockpit.

"You're fighting in the oldest cruiser our pilots have ever had the misfortune of seeing," Hux chuckled pityingly. "You're a decent pilot, Dameron, but even you know that you shouldn't be holding your own so easily against my men. If we wanted you all dead, we would have you dead. Instead, all we want the girl, peacefully obtained or otherwise, and a message sent back to General Organa."

"What's that?" Poe asked, his tone husky with anger.

"Tell her, from the Supreme Leader himself, 'You live for today, but death is on your heels like your husband and brother before you,'" he replied. A string of curses escaped from Poe's lips as Hux ended the call.

* * *

"I, unfortunately, have to report that the freighter, the Resistance, and the girl have gotten away," Hux murmured, his head bowed as he stood before Ren. He silently prayed for the calmness he clung to outwardly would soak inwardly.

"You're lying," Ren accused, brow furrowed as he looked down upon him from Snoke's old throne. Hux had decided, begrudgingly, that he did look like some sort of dark prince sitting upon it, but he was hardly the leader that the First Order deserved. "You don't think that I can sense your deceit?"

Hux frowned, raising his gaze to meet Ren's.

"And you think I'm not aware of your Force tricks to know when I might be lying?" he asked. "Whatever you are sensing, Supreme Leader, it isn't untruth. We still have a contact travelling with them to the rebel base. We can regroup and strike once we—"

Choking. Damn, how he hated the choking. As Ren extended his hand, he struggled for breath and struggled to keep a clear head.

"You made a career of failing Snoke," Ren seethed, standing as he held his grip tight. Hux felt himself grow light headed, gasping weakly. "Constantly at my back, trying to twist your way ahead in this imaginary contest you saw between you and I."

He dropped him to the shining floor of the throne room, leaving him gasping for air and too weak to stand. Hux hungered to see Ren fall as he deserved. If it weren't for that damned Skywalker bloodline, he wouldn't be standing there. Whatever Snoke had seen in him, was nothing more than a craving for that old bloodline that connected Ren back to Vader.

"I'll let you live, today," Ren decided, his gaze narrowing as he looked down at him. "You failed me once, Hux. There won't be a second time."

"Of… Of c-course, Supreme Leader," he coughed as he brought himself up to his feet. He felt a rush of certainty. "I won't fail you again."

He walked slowly from the throne room, silent as he moved through the halls of the _Supremacy_ before finally reaching his final quarters.

Reaching for his comm, he cleared his throat before calling his private channel. "Is the girl secure?" he called.

She had come willingly, falling weakly to her desire to keep her Rebel friends safe, and at the promise that they would be able to leave unharmed. Of course, they had put on a good show. As soon as she was on board, they had shot one of the cruisers for good measure before their contact _heroically_ shot down the remaining First Order ships.

Leaving the small fleet that had come to take the girl dead all for a few of his most trusted officers.

"She's in transport to the _Vindicator_ as we speak," the officer replied, referring to a prison vessel that was apart from the main fleet. "As ordered, we've let no one know the identity of the prisoner."

"Good, keep it that way," Hux breathed as he smoothed his ginger locks back into place. "Once she's settled, I want to make sure she's made aware what we do with assassins."

* * *

Rey screamed, pain coursing through her. Blindly, she bucked as the voltage coursed through her, the interrogation droid demanded answers but asking no questions. Her mouth tasted of copper, blood pooling in her mouth, matching the bruises and lacerations that now marked her body.

Finally, the droid rested, letting the intense pain subsiding briefly.

Her mind desperately reached out, searching for an answer to why Ben would capture her just to harm her. Had it all they had been through truly been nothing more than them twisting to Snoke's will? She had still felt it, her draw to him. Their bond was still there and he had reached out to repair it, to let her know that he had still wanted her.

"Ben, _why?_ " she whimpered as she closed her eyes. Never had she felt more naïve, putting hope in a man who wanted nothing more to abuse her, and have her take the fall for his crimes.

Even as she thought of his betrayal, she wanted to believe that something was wrong. Instead, her rational mind told her to reflect on that confliction she had felt within him. If this wasn't what had been causing that, her capture, what had been? Remembering the rage in his eyes, she struggled to find another reason.

Broken breaths shook from her chest as she looked to the door, half-expecting to see him standing there, relishing her pain. Instead, she saw the silent inquisitor who had met them at the hanger. Clad in black, and wearing a mask similar to Kylo Ren's, the figure had been introduced as one of the Knights of Ren. Whatever it was that they wanted out of her, they had yet to ask any questions.

She assumed it was punishment for the death of Snoke. Punishment for _his_ lie.

During the last brief break, she had searched for any possible ways to break free. Whereas before she might have attempted an escape like her last First Order interrogation, this person was too strong to overpower. Especially in her weakened state. How long it had been, she wasn't sure. It felt like it could have been days, but most likely it was just a matter of hours.

In the brief calm, her mind grabbed onto the memory of the dream she had the night before. Now seeming distant, her very being clung to the hope it had brought her.

> _Sunlight breaking through the canopy of the trees, a beam of light strikes his eyes. Raising a hand, he blocks it scowling briefly before he moves ever so slightly. Not back into the shadows, but just enough that he isn't blinded by the light any longer. She moves to pull him into a gentle embrace and reaches up to brush a lock of hair from his pale face as she smiles up at him. The scowl fades, replaced by a hint of relaxation as a smile touches his lips. In that moment, she feels blinded, but she rather be blind than risk looking away._

_Ben_ , she thought weakly, a smile touching her own lips before a quiet sob escaped them as delirium began to set in. _Last night… I had a dream about you. I dreamed that you smiled..._

_I wanted so badly for that dream to be real._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's start off 2018 on bum-ass note. Hux is an asshat~ Tune in next time for some pissed off Ben! To be fair, asshole should have cleared up the "who killed Snoke confusion." Yeah, I know I'm in charge of this fic, but… drama? And hope you guys liked another random OC.
> 
> Originally posted on 12/31/2017.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey plans an escape. Kylo Ren receives a vision. Again, Hux is a major tool.

"How long has it been?" Rey tried to demand, but her voice cracked as her throat was dry with thirst and her resolve had continued to deteriorate over the time of her capture. Time, she found, was impossible to keep track of in that little room with no light and only the rotation of her black clad guards giving her any sense of time. Still, she found herself wondering if it had been hours or days or weeks since her capture. "You can at least tell me that."

Her other questions had gone unanswered. They hadn't been productive questions, of course, as they remained along the lines to knowing _why._ Why torture opposed to imprisonment or death, why it had gone on for what had seemed to be weeks, and why Kylo Ren hadn't dared to show his face? Every demand that rose to her lips, every desire to understand, only fueled her with anger and resentment as they went unanswered.

He had ordered her capture, so it was he who was responsible for her pain that had been ongoing. There were small breaks, where she was given water or forced to swallow prison rations. Only occasionally did she receive breaks when the sweet, dark embrace of unconsciousness allowed it.

"Just… Can you tell me that at least?" she asked as she turned her head to face them. They all dressed similarly, these Knights of Ren, but with their differing heights she had at least begun to sort them out. Whoever this one was, they seemed more impulsive, but at least they had spoken to her on occasion. Mocking her, occasionally pitying her, but at least not a wall of silence like many of the others seemed to be.

Hand on the switch for initiate the interrogation droid, the figure seemed to rest there for a moment, perhaps thinking over their answer.

"Twelve days," was the reply, she made a note that the voice was female, before initiated the droid.

Her body convulsed, the pain rocking through her small form, but she didn't cry out. She refused to give them the satisfaction of begging sobs. Tears did come, but not because of the physical torment, but because of the betrayal she felt.

Again, she was alone, feeling like the little lost girl on Jakku, looking towards the sky and waiting for someone who would never come. He hadn't seen him in her entire time there, under his thumb. Not through their Force bond and not in person. In the beginning, she had reached out to him, searching for a means to connect with him as they had always, only to find the connection severed, something blocking her from reaching him.

As she reached out again, the pain and desolation of her being fueling her as she extended her soul. Even as she focused, using that pain as a conduit, her heart and mind calling out to him.

 _Ben_ , her mind cried. _Ben, you can stop this…_

She was met with the wall that she had been met with day after day as she tried to reach him, but today, it seemed a little weaker until she felt a break in the block as if it had collapsed. Or perhaps, that was her own concentration breaking, crumbling away as she continued to struggle and win whatever battle she found herself in.

As the pain intensified, she could no longer hide her tears as a shriek escaped her, breaking that concentration that she had clung so desperately to.

_Ben!_

Part of her dared to dream, as delusional as it seemed even as every fiber of her screamed in agony, that perhaps he didn't know. That what they had felt for one another, wasn't nothing. It hadn't been nothing, not to her. Even if she hadn't taken his hand, his eyes so filled with lost expectancy, she had cared for him in that moment and after.

Gradually, the knight brought up the intensity. This time, it seemed, the price of answering her question seemed to result in a heavier punishment. She was left with only the thought that he must have planned this. He brought her close to him, made her believe in him, only to have someone to blame when he made his grab for power.

Another shriek escaped her, her body convulsing harder as her nails clung to dig into nothing, nails breaking at the restraints.

As the droid went back into resting mode, Rey felt her eyes flicker towards the lightsaber of the figures belt. Her mind began to tick away madly, once again taking note of everything in the room and any weakness that she could exploit on the guard.

No one was coming. Ben had made it clear with his absence that she was truly nothing to her. Meanwhile, she doubted that the Resistance would stage something so reckless as breaking into a First Order prison when she gone willingly. Finn had risked his life before to save her, but he had done so under the guise of having a plan to lower the shields on the Starkiller base. Besides, the Resistance couldn't know where she was at.

No one ever came for her on Jakku, so why would any unbidden rescues begin now? This time, she wouldn't be left waiting alone in the dark.

* * *

Kylo, like every night since he had last spoken to her, dreamt of Rey. Some dreams were fantastical, of her leading him down winding paths through lush forests and through impossible landscapes, her laugh ringing in his ears like a siren's call as he struggled to keep up with her. She would reach back, that guileless grin on her sweet rosebud lips, and without hesitation, he would take her hand.

Others were simple, of just holding her close and listening to her breathing.

That was what he dreamt of that night. He wasn't in his room, but somewhere that looked practically antique. The paint was chipped from the walls and the whole look of the ship seemed closer to something that might have been around during the Old Republic than anything modern. Still, wherever they were, they were together, resting in bed.

Rey, curled into his arms as he looked down at her, disbelieving that she was there. She curled in tight against his chest as she held her there, head against his steady heart. Her lips parted with quiet snores, her hair fallen askew from a braid. He rose his hand, brushing her face clear of the strands, watching her nose crinkle ever so slightly under his touch. There, he felt whole, even in the haziness of the unreality that was dreaming.

Hungrily, he clung to the moment even as a shriek startled him to waking.

Like a bolt, he sat up as his body trembled in sweat, his unfocused with fear as he scanned his quarters searching for the source that had sounded as if it had come from within his quarters. He found no one there, left reaching for the empty air where Rey had been in his dream, but his heart remained pounding and his skin electric with adrenaline. He had heard it, a cry in the night, anguished and accusing.

 _Rey!_ he called internally, only receiving the break in the block that had been plaguing him over the last two weeks. He had thought that it had been her, furious with his order to have her captured and brought aboard even though she had managed to escape him once more.

Kylo had thought her focus commendable, however, he had been stewing in his loneliness, ready to accuse her of betrayal the first instance that block fell.

Seeking her out had with the First Order resources had gone just as well. Apparently, they had lost contact with their man onboard the Resistance convoy. No doubt that the rebels had their suspicions, he had allowed, so it would be a matter of time to regain some trust to send out their coordinates.

He had been alone with his thoughts, and those thoughts mainly rested upon what she had said during their last conversation. She had asked him to find forgiveness for those who had failed him, making it easy to fall under Snoke's sway, and with a head clear of the other man's control, he did find the idea tempting.

He was no fool, though. He had immersed himself in the dark side of the Force for far too long to simply meander back and offer himself to the Resistance. After all he had given up to reach his peak exaltation, and she had denied him, eagerly seeking out comfort with Dameron, he couldn't be lead astray by her sweet coaxing. Whenever he considered it, he remembered that night where she had uttered Dameron's name in her sleep, calling out for the pilot instead of him. When he spent his days agonizing without her, she had found refuge in another so quickly.

Another cry resounded, shaking his entire being. Even in bed, he was left clinging for something to hold onto, the pain associated with it sending him spiraling. The cry was like a hand in the dark, outstretched and begging for him to take hold before they slipped and fell back into the chasm they seemed to be reaching from.

Reaching back, he only got a glimpse of who was crying out. Face contorted in pain, Rey shrieked in agony as tears streaked her face, swollen, bruised and bloody. He felt her fear and confusion, her fatigue and thirst.

He sat up and tried to pull himself together. To find what focus he could gather for an instance of clarity to find her. Finally, he saw the name of the ship and fury overwhelmed him. The _Vindicator_ , a First Order prison ship.

Scrambling to his feet, he got dressed in a hurry before storming out of his quarters.

"Prepare my ship, and don't inform General Hux of my departure," he barked at the nearest officer, leaving the man scurrying like animal down the halls. He would deal with Hux later, his mind reeling with a rage-filled fervor. For now, there was only Rey.

* * *

Rey had started to choke on the blood in her mouth, leaving her gasping and looking rather pathetic. Never once in her young life had she worried about drowning before she had become a part of the Resistance. Choking on sand during a sandstorm, dying of thirst, skirmishes gone wrong with other scavengers… All were possible on Jakku, but drowning never once had it crossed her mind.

Now she was drowning on her own blood, feeling herself grow lightheaded, all with a goal in mind.

_Make it convincing…_

As she began to choke harder, she realized perhaps it was too convincing as she gasped, wheezing as she felt her throat shake with urgency, swallowing blood as eagerly as she swallowed air.

Of all things, she had realized that the First Order didn't intend to let her die. If that were the case, she imagined there would have been a public execution of sorts. Or at least, she would have been informed that she was in fact going to die instead of the relentless days of torture she withstood.

Her eyes focused on the masked figure, realization dawning upon them as they finally moved forward.

They raised up the platform, trying to stabilize her form, but she kept wheezing and choking, coughing on the crimson liquid until the coughs stopped. Rey felt a gloved hand on her face, inspecting her as if searching for life. As she heard a curse and felt her bounds undone, she mustered as much focus as she could and reached for the lightsaber at the knight's waist with the Force.

As the rod entered her palm, Rey took a shallow breath before running the blade through her torso. She watched her body slump, sending her back with a rough push, before stepping over the corpse to get to the door. Her legs felt weak as she stood, the ship spinning around her as she made her desperate escape out of the door and onto the vessel.

Stumbling along, her eyes darted as she attempted to weave her way out of the maze that was the prison ship. She remembered making endless turns to get to the chamber where they had kept her, but there had been no clear markers, everything looking the same.

 _Breathe, think…_ she told herself.

If she panicked, she would only get herself more lost, but if she used the Force, perhaps she could make her way to the hangar and take a ship. That was, if she could make it properly past the guard point. Part of her wondered if there was an easier way out than ambling down the corridors. The mess that she was, she knew that she would be attacked on sight.

As soon as she thought it, a Stormtrooper rounded the corner and she was left igniting the lightsaber she had stolen, and holding it to the man's neck.

"Give me your blaster," she demanded hoarsely, her hand trembling as she stood there, barely clinging from one moment to the next. He hesitated before taking the gun from his belt and offering it to her.

Holding his hands in the air in surrender, she breathed shallowly, struggling to think of her next step. Vengeance called to her, demanding blood to be slipped. After everything she had suffered under the hands of the First Order over the past two weeks, a darkness screamed to her that he deserved no mercy as none had been shown to her.

" _Please,_ " the trooper begged and all she could imagine was Finn behind the mask, lost in a world that he didn't belong in. Tears pricked at her eyes as her finger rested on the trigger, but with his hands raised, she set the blaster to stun and sent the man into a stupor before continuing on her way.

Following her instincts, she continued to move the best her weakened state would allow as she watched for Stormtroopers.

 _Vents… a secret passageway, something…_ she thought as she continued to scan, moving as quickly and silently as her body could allow. Stopping to wheeze, black spots danced on her eyesight as her body threatened to give out. She couldn't collapse in the hall, only to be scooped up and put back into that room. _Something…_

"There she is!" she heard a voice, another Stormtrooper, shout as they rounded the corner. Scrambling once more, she rose her blaster to meet their fire. No time to worry about a stealthier escape, she decided. Unless she wanted to be pinned down by blasterfire, she needed to keep moving.

* * *

"General Hux, Supreme Leader Ren has left the _Supremacy_ ," Captain Opan reported over the vidcomm. "He was reported as moving with a determined urgency, but not specifying where he was going. One man did report that he made the request not to inform you. Of course, that made it up the chain and here we are, sir."

"Twelve days we had her there," Hux mused, giving a bemused nod as he seemed to think over the situation. Whatever abilities the Jedi and Sith claimed to have, he had expected it to be stronger. Snoke had always been domineering, sensing every stray thought, every hungry inkling for power.

He had expected the trap he had put in place to unravel within the first few days of torture. Rumor had it that Vader used the torture of Han Solo to draw out Luke Skywalker, using that weakness against him and exploiting it. He wanted to see if Ren could sense her, and if that was the case, he wanted to see if he could classify her as a weakness. How many times had the girl reached out to Ren, he wondered.

Part of that was a test on his part, placing a knight over watch of Rey, requesting that they practically hold vigil over her, disallowing discourse between the girl and Ren. The more desperate they were, he assumed the stronger that call out would be, breaking through the barrier that the knights had constructed. Reports were that both had tried to make contact, the knights had sensed, only fueling theories and supporting his planned coup.

Not just to see if that bond was truly there, but how strong it could be. He had begun to suspect, rather easily, that there was something more between Ren and the girl. "I am surprised that he has just figured it out now. Do make sure that the Knights of Ren are ready for his arrival. I want him contained as quickly as possible."

"Sir, one of the knights have been taken down by the girl," the officer stated nervously. "She's loose with a weapon."

"Well, this got a little more complicated," Hux murmured thoughtfully, but he wasn't deterred. "Let the prisoner make her escape to the hangar."

"Sir—"

"Let her reach the hangar, Opan. Once Ren arrives, make sure the Knights are ready to greet him."

* * *

The halls of the ship became oddly silent after the first bout of Stormtroopers. She had fired back, black spots on her vision making it impossible to fire accurately, but she had heard no one else coming after her.

Hastily scurrying down the corridor, she finally reached the high vaulted hangar, gasping in relief before she realized that it was all too easy. She froze, watching as a TIE silencer flew through the open hangar doors. She reached for the blade she had clipped to her belt, feeling herself tremble with turmoil as she felt _him._

She ignited the blade, tears stinging her eyes as she watched him depart the ship. Her vision blurred, she took a fighting stance even as her legs threatened to give out. To her, he was nothing more than a black form, approaching her at a steady speed, no doubt ready to finish what he had started. Her arms weak, she kept her chin up as she continued to focus all of her energy on trying to stay conscious.

Tears blurred her vision as she saw him near. Weakly, she swung in warning. Like a frightened child brandishing a stick, but he didn't slow. He neared her and she waited for him to draw his own blade, to strike her down.

Twelve days, she was dehydrated, starving, and running on delirium. He was the ruler of the First Order, a prince to all, and standing far above the peasant that she was.

"Rey," his voice was gentle, coaxing. Just the sound of his voice, caused her to waver. She dropped the blade, too weak to take anymore of suffering she had endured over the last week. Logically, she had told herself to expect him sneering as a true villain, but her heart had never wavered.

She was starving for him, yearning for him despite everything she knew. She knew that he must have orchestrated her torture, that he must have used her for him to walk freely amongst the First Order as their leader.

As her legs gave out, he caught her. Enveloped in his arms, she slammed her fists against his chest, sobs finally breaking from her lips as she cursed him. Against his solid form, she might as well have been a tapping the side of a mountain. As her body completely gave way, she collapsed into his large form as he held her, embracing her tightly.

"Let me pass," she begged, mind madly still scrambling for escape. "I don't know why you've done this, Ben, but… let me pass."

Taking her by the chin, he rose her gaze to meet his. So close, she could see him through her blurred fervor. He looked disheveled as his often-perfect hair was tousled with abandon, his amber eyes frenzied and mad with a mixture of anguish and lust.

"Why…" she asked weakly, but before she could ask her question, he silenced her.

Closing the gap between them, he kissed her.

He kissed her like a man who'd been in the desert for days and she was the oasis he had been searching, moments before he gave up hope. He took her in, clinging to her as if she would vanish from his arms.

Despite her pain, she felt herself returning the fevered kiss, pulling herself closer as her anger and her desire melded into one as she tangled her fingers into his hair. Broken breathes escaped her as they're lips parted briefly before they were entangled once more.

"I need… I need to get back to the Resistance," she gasped, finally breaking their embrace.

"I know," Ben replied, swallowing hard. The understanding in his voice pained her chest as she waited for that lost expression, of a boy lost in the wilderness, to break upon his features. Instead, all she found was a furious determination, hiding a darker rage beneath the surface.

Scooping her up into his arms, he took long strides towards his TIE silencer only to be met by one of her black clad inquisitors. They ignited their lightsaber, standing ready to fight.

"Move now, or fall by my hand," Ben commanded unable to hide the wrath that tinged every biting word. "I have no time for traitors—"

"We're not the traitors here, Kylo," the knight answered coyly. At the emphasis on _we_ , she felt his entire form stiffen as he suddenly pulled her small form closer to him, as if offering his large frame as a shield. Rey heard a blast from behind them, but instead of pain, she felt his arm arms engulf her, protecting her as his body hit the floor, still holding her close.

"Ben?" she breathed. She looked up at him, his head limp and his forehead split from the impact. When he didn't answer her, she gave him a gentle shake to no avail. "Ben!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yayyy! They're together now! *skateboards out to work on the next chapter*


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weakened, Kylo Ren and Rey fight for their lives.

_Ben!_

Kylo's eyes snapped open as he struggled in a daze. The cry sounded a million miles away, resounding ringing silence leaving him in a daze, holding on tightly to Rey's form. His body ached, but his instinct drove him, keeping her close even as he struggled to gain full awareness. He felt the warm burst of blood, trickling down his face, the dull throbbing of the injury not quite comparing to whatever he had just been struck with.

 _A blaster set to stun_ , he realized. _A cheap way out of a fight_.

He sensed the pulsations of energy around him, the waves rippling in the Force that surrounded him as their attackers neared. Everything within him screamed for him to move, to get up, to protect Rey. He began to rise to his feet slowly, only stopping to face Rey.

Two black clad figures approached, meaning that there were five more missing. Were only two among them betrayers? He shouldn't have expected more out of them. He had figured out early in life that he was the only person he could truly count on. The rest of the galaxy would use him in whatever way they seemed fit before tossing him aside when he no longer fit those needs.

"Ben," Rey breathed, staring up at him in awe and concern. She reached up to wipe the blood from his face, but her hands were weak and trembling. Even as she attempted to rise with him, he could see that she was in no state to fight. That only stoked the fire within him further.

"No matter what happens, get to my ship," he whispered to her, kneeling before her as he cupped her cheek gently. "Take it and get as far as you can from here."

"I won't leave you again," she insisted, that furious spark lighting her hazel eyes that both frustrated him and emblazoned him. A weak smirk touched his lips at her words, realizing how much he had longed for her to say those words. "Not without knowing why you've done this."

"Get on that ship," he murmured sternly, stroking her cheek with his gloved hand. "Please, Rey. Just listen to me this once."

His smirk faded, although he found he much rather have her stubbornness to a girl lost forlornly to love. That wouldn't be the girl he had deemed worthy enough to kill his master for, to extend a hand in ruling the galaxy with. The girl who had done most of the work already in her rescue. That wouldn't be Rey.

Slowly, he brought himself to standing as his senses gradually began to come back, drawing his lightsaber and taking a fighting stance in front of her.

"You're back on your feet," one knight murmured, the ringing still loud in his ears. Their tone was impressed, but otherwise disappointed as if they had hoped that he would go down easy. "We don't want you dead, Kylo."

"You won't take me otherwise," he bit back, quickly locking blades and beginning a furious battle of survival as he struggled between two of the figures.

"If that's how it has to be," they answered coyly.

He struggled to maintain the upper hand, his technique messy and confused while his head continued to ache and he struggled to shake off the effects of the blaster. Every block was a narrow escape, every strike clashing in flailing failure.

Desperately, he tried to push them back away from Rey, hoping that she would have enough self-preservation to jump into his ship and leave the hangar and him behind.

As he slipped, his blade missing its strike, causing him to lose his balance, he felt the furious blow of a blade biting into his side. More than just a scratch, but less than anything that he thought might have been fatal.

A yell escaped his lips, but that didn't lessen his resolve. They had sparred before in fights to impress Snoke and maintain power over one another, fighting for recognition and fame as star pupils. All for a chance to rise while leaving the others in their wake.

Now, he was fighting for survival. Not for his, he realized, but for Rey's. He had been so ready to let her go back to the Resistance, far from the cold, darkness of the First Order, and he hadn't even hesitated at her request.

Seeing her so weak, so vulnerable like a dying ember when she was always a bright, roaring flame had left him shaken.

Swinging around, he began to strike madly, without the composure of his lessons, just trying to give Rey enough time to leave. A distance away, the lightsaber that Rey had been brandishing before their embrace shook before flying across the floor. She rose, joining him back to back once again.

"What are you doing?" he demanded, that fear that had driven him to that ship to find her shaking him tenfold. Losing her would be the end to any hope he had. "Get to the ship! Leave me!"

"Not without answers," she replied, breath shaky and voice hoarse. He watched as she put her entire being into the thick of it, striking furiously and moving with haste as she tried to keep the second knight off of his back. Entering into their fevered dance, he found his concentration constantly fleeting back to her.

* * *

Rey felt her muscles tremble under the strike of every blow that met her blade, but she kept her eyes on the man she had locked into battle with. The fury she felt at her capture had boiled over, confusion now added into the mix at Ben insisting that she leave. His words and actions, bringing her a turmoil she never knew that she could experience. He had been the one to order her capture, to bring her to the suffer and torment she had faced in that place.

And yet, he was fighting madly, with that same intensity that had he brought to their kiss. He was struggling to survive, still shaken by the blast and by his head injury. Moving with a rage she had only seen in him on that night on the Starkiller base in their fight. Seeing it elsewhere, turned against another, she found that intensity exciting.

That was a thought for another time. She shook the thought from her mind, knowing that if her body was weak, her mind couldn't be weaker. Everything was a struggle, though, keeping up with the knight left her panting until she was being overpowered by each blow. Pushed into the wall, she grunted, trying to push back and to gain some ground in her fight, only to find herself pinned.

With another swing, she was knocked back, her lightsaber knocked from her hand. Standing over her, she felt the knight draw their blade. She rose her hand, trying to push them back with the Force with what meager energy she had.

As she awaited the killing blow, seconds ticked by. Then a few more until she heard a _thud._

Ben's blade went through the knight's chest, bringing them down to their knees before they toppled over to their side, limp as a ragdoll. In an instant, he was back in combat, putting his whole body into the fight, ignoring his injuries as he bled. Every move was a crash of thunder, every blow lightning.

Finally, he struck the man down, running his blade through his torso. Chest heaving, he turned to face her once more. Sweat clung to his brow and his face was pale, but his eyes were filled only with concern for her.

"Ship," he panted as he extended his hand to her. " _Now._ "

She reached to take it, only to watch him begin to waver on his feet. Quickly, she moved to catch him, watching him collapse to his knees as she held him up the best that her weakened state would allow. Her hand pressed against his side, she heard him cry out weakly as her hand became soaked in his blood. Panic struck her as she continued to hold him up.

"Ben," she breathed as gripped his face, keeping his gaze on hers. She felt tears start to prick at her eyes, her voice hued with urgency. His eyes were becoming focused, but he kept that intense gaze on her, making her shudder under the heat of it. As she held him there, she "Stay with me, Ben. Let's… Let's get to the ship. Please… _Please._ "

As she held him there, she watched as four more figures came through the door, steadily approaching them in the hangar.

Carefully, she laid him down and reached for her lightsaber once again. As she ignited it, she heard a familiar whooshing rush of engines enter the hanger before a series of shots were fired, whizzing past her and Ben, and into the four approaching knights. The upper deck of the hanger collapsed, crushing the remaining four. Or at least, detaining them for a moment.

The _Falcon._

A choked laugh escaped her lips as she went once more to Ben's side. Quickly, she rose a hand waved it madly, gesturing for help. Whatever had just happened, but luck or chance, she was thankful for it.

"I-I'm not going on that thing," Ben gasped as he struggled to sit up, only to collapse once more. Disdain darkened his eyes for the old clunker, as if he put all that frustration with Han Solo on that ship and kept it there.

"I'm not leaving you here," Rey murmured, shaking her head. "And you aren't going to be able to get in that silencer and fly it properly. You'll bleed out…" At those words, she started to crumble. Tears pooled down her cheeks, unable to fight the fear she had of losing him. "I'm sorry… Just… Stay with me, Ben."

Landing nearby, the door opened.

"You don't look so hot, angel," Poe said with a weak grin before fully taking in who she was cradling. Finn wasn't far behind, his expression grim as he looked at the collapsed Ben.

"Help me get him up," Rey begged as she smoothed some hair from Ben's face as he faded from consciousness. Just as some rumbling came from the scraps of metal of the fallen deck. " _Please_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter. I've been sick. Sorry guys. Deus Ex Millennium Falcon.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe, Finn, and Rey discuss the current situation. Rey and Kylo Ren have a heart to heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy! Thanks for all the positive comments! You're all so sweet! I'll try to update frequently, but you can always reach me on my tumblr at womp-rat-fever!

"I say we space him," Finn stated, tensely bouncing his leg before switching to the other one and then back again. BB-8 happily beeped at the idea, rolling across the room, ready to get the process started.

"You can't just toss him into space," Rey insisted as she sat curled up on the lounge behind the dejarik table, the gentle hum of the _Falcon_ and all of its clanks and clatters relaxing her after her time spent on the First Order ship and it's ringing silence between her sessions. Ben rested back in the crew quarters, still unconscious from the blood loss but stable. Far from the conversation that, Rey had no doubt, was about to get loud. "Not when I don't know whether or not he meant to rescue me—"

" _We_ rescued you!" he argued, shaking his head as he struggled between frustration and pure confusion. "If we hadn't come at the right time, damn it, Rey… I don't want to even think about it." He closed his eyes as he turned from her, pain clear on his face.

"You shouldn't have left in the first place," he murmured, his voice rough with emotion that he couldn't tamper down. It was then that she realized that he wasn't upset only by the fact that she had begged them to take Ben onboard the _Falcon._ By the wavering in his voice, she realized she had run off, again leaving him. Only this time, there had been no promise of her returning. "What were you thinking, Rey?"

"I was thinking that the convoy had a chance to bring the Resistance what it needed," she insisted as she leaned forward, reaching out to touch him before letting her hand drop back down. All she could think of was that in that moment, she was following one of Luke's lessons. His last one. "One scavenger for a small fleet of ships and the supplies it needs to get off the ground, Finn. It seemed like an easy bargain. It seemed like it was too good to be true."

"It was," Finn sighed as he looked back at her. "There was a First Order spy mixed into the group that Lando sent. We got lucky and bagged him pretty quick. The captain of the freighter had her suspicions when one of the refugees became the galaxy's greatest gunner after you were taken. It was a trap, laid out by the First Order, and you played right into their hands."

"But the Resistance got the supplies," she pointed out, her brows furrowed as she thought through what he had just told her.

It _had_ been a trap. Poe had been right, it was all too easy. It would have been simple to knock them out of the sky or raid the ship, taking her by force.

"And you caught the traitor," she pointed out. "If I hadn't gone, there would have been no supplies, they would have taken the convoy, and you would have lost Poe and the rest of the crew. One person versus so much. How could you expect me not to risk it?"

"That's not the point," he insisted, his shoulders slumping. "Rey… We didn't know where you were. If it wasn't for that traitor giving up information… You'd still be in that hangar with a dead Kylo Ren and four freaks at your back. You could have been… Dammit, Rey."

He reached over, pulling her into a tight embrace that she collapsed into. Finn, with all his warmth, was like home. Even if her sweet love for him had settled into friendship, it was a bond that was forged in fire. Where she and Ben were connected by the cosmos, she and Finn were forged by the heat of blasters at their heels as they hit the ground running, hand and hand.

"I'm sorry."

She collapsed easily into his arms, taking the comfort where she could get it, too weak to turn away the contact. In a different moment, she would push him away, bluffing and ensuring him of her independence. For now, she wanted to hold onto to the man who had become a guiding star, always pointing her home… wherever home may be. Days in the dark, her emotions confused and left with struggling with her heart and head, she could at least be sure in Finn.

"How did you plan to get me out of there if I hadn't been in the hangar?" she asked, sitting up as she pulled away from him.

"And how did you even… get permission to do something that reckless?" She gave him a gentle push, teasing with a small grin. "When you say that _I_ was reckless? You flew in with a pilot, a Wookiee, an astrodroid, and a vague plan. Were you going to dress up like officers, sneak in the ship, find me, and fly away without a second thought?"

"It was Poe's vague plan," he admitted, bashfully glancing towards the cockpit. "And, we were… still in the process of tuning the finer points."

"You were _landing_ ," Rey pointed out, shaking her head at the fact that they had planned to come in hot and go from there. Still, the former part of his statement wasn't lost to her. "But… really? Poe?"

It wasn't that she hadn't grown fond of him in their short time together. It was the contrary, really. When it came to her and Finn, it had just been an easy fit. They had needed one another, both two abandoned souls finding one another. With Poe, he had walked in with that air of confidence and devil may care attitude, and she had been eager to play along with his flirting.

"He was kicking himself for letting you get captured, felt like he'd failed because he was outside the freighter. So, uh… after 'helping' the traitor remember where you were being taken—"

"We all climbed into this hunk of scrap and went to find you," Poe said as he meandered into the main hold, leaning against the wall as he approached. "Don't let Finn talk me up. He was pissed when I landed. 'Where's Rey?' he asked. When I didn't have an answer, I swear I thought he was going to sock me in the mouth. I would've deserved it."

"You were still in a rage when you landed," Finn pointed out, weakly chuckling. "And ready to go as soon as he spilled everything." He looked back at Rey. "He's almost as reckless as you."

Poe ran a hand over his face before rubbing the back of his neck as he glanced away, a characteristically shy smile curling on his lips as hit his bottom lip. BB-8 whistled playfully.

"Thank you," she replied, blushing slightly at the droid's wolf whistle.

"Yeah, it's no big deal," he quirked his eyebrows at her, his bashful dissipating into that roguish grin she had become accustomed to as he waved her off. She caught herself staring before she glanced away, back towards Finn.

"Didn't you try the same thing on Starkiller base?" she pointed out with a slight smirk, an awkward twist in her stomach pushing her to focus back on Finn. "So, should you really be calling anyone else reckless?"

"Yeah, but… I had to make sure the shields were lowered," he teased, returning her smile. "You were just a stop on our trip."

She shook her head, laughing softly before she heard stumbling footsteps come from the crew quarters and the galley. Rising to her feet quickly, Finn and Poe rose quickly to follow her, both reaching with blasters at their holsters. She shot them a tired glance.

"Don't," Rey insisted as she held a hand up for them to fall back as the footfall stopped. "Let me go talk to him."

"Rey…" Finn approached her, not lowering his hand.

" _Let me talk to him._ " She kept her hand up for a moment, lowering it once she slowly started towards the corridor.

They didn't follow as she walked around the corner to find Ben slumped with his back against the wall, his eyes dark and bare chest heaving.

"Rey." Again, his deep baritone caused her shiver, the sound of his relief easily wearing away her defenses. He scoured her from his place on the floor, looking over her. "Are you alright?"

"Finn patched me up," she replied. After she had finished using the medical kit the best that she could to bandage Ben, insisting that she was fine despite the exhaustion that still ebbed at her even as she spoke to him. He continued to stare at her, waiting for her to answer his question. "I'm alright."

A quiet tick of time awkwardly passed between them before he spoke again.

"You took off my shirt," he murmured accusingly, his gaze relaxing on her as she knelt down beside him. She couldn't help but tracing his form over with a curious gaze. It was a quick, greedy look over. Before she had been angry and bashful, too prideful to take him in. Now, she was more than aware of his well-muscled frame. Why did someone so beautiful have to drive her mad with so much doubt?

"You were bleeding all over it," Rey muttered as she wrapped an arm around him carefully. "Let's get you back to the crew quarters. You shouldn't be up."

"I need to get off of this ship," he groaned as she helped him up as it dawned on him where he was. For a moment, he looked like an animal with its leg caught in a trap, eyes darting for an exit. "I can't be here."

"Well, you _are_ on this ship, so you can either stay or… I believe Finn suggested 'spacing' you," she grunted as she got him up to his feet, his massive form clutching to her. She was still weak, but managing. "And I rather not as I haven't gotten my answers out of you, so you're stuck on the _Falcon_ until we can figure out what we're going to do with you."

Getting him back to the crew quarters, she eased him onto a bunk. The door whooshed shut with a quiet click behind them.

As she moved away, he caught her forearm in his grasp, pulling her back towards him. Hesitantly, she sat on the edge of the bunk, having no doubt that he thought he had won her over. She had kissed back, his fervor easily fueling her own desire for him, too weak from her stay under the First Order's care.

"Does the Rebellion treat all of their prisoners this well?" he asked, his grip loosening as his hand traced her forearm before resting his palm on her hand. She didn't flinch from his touch, allowing him to keep his hand upon hers even as he rolled over. "I expected to be chained up in the hold with a blaster to my temple."

"That can still be arranged," she replied, no humor in her voice as she stared down as he intertwined his hand in hers, thoughtlessly as he stared up at the ceiling. Gently, she pulled her away, moving to face the door of the crew quarters.

"Ben, I can't do this." She closed her eyes tight as he turned to face her, carefully as not to open his wound. "Do you know what they did to me? _Your_ people? I don't understand why you would allow that… I just don't understand."

"What happened on the _Vindicator_ … Those weren't my orders," he murmured, wincing as he gave a gentle shake of his head. "I did order your capture. I told Hux to inform me the very minute he had you. Instead, he told me that you had escaped with the rest of the rebels."

"I reached out to you, begged for you to release me," Rey bit accusingly, feeling him wince. "How couldn't you know? Twelve days, Ben. _Twelve._ It felt like an eternity. Every day I spent on Jakku, waiting for no one seems like just a breath in my life compared to those agonizing days that stretched like years."

"Rey…"

"And then you finally come, brandishing your blade like a madman and… and you nearly get yourself killed," she breathed, her throat aching as she strangled the cries that threatened to erupt from her. She was so tired of crying over him. Tired of the anguish that came with reaching for someone who couldn't be reached. Yet when he reached back, she always felt herself crumble under the weight of the simple action.

"Rey." Sitting up, he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. For a moment, all she wanted was to rest there, press her face against his bare chest and inhale him. To hear the beating of his heart and know that he was there, not parsecs away, just a projection of the Force.

"No," she pushed away from him, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I can't do this. I _won't._ "

"What do you want from me?" he asked, reaching for her once more. He grabbed her, forcing her into his arms even as she struggled in his grasp. He bordered on anger and hopelessness, giving her a slight shake as his lip trembled with emotion. "I offered you everything. To train you in the Force, the First Order at your disposal, the entire galaxy at the tips of your fingers. I extended my hand to you, what else could you want?"

"I just want _you_ , Ben!" she cried, pausing in his arms, the intensity in his shocked gaze freezing her there.

"Rey."

He crushed his lips to hers once more, and she was lost.

* * *

Kylo gathered Rey tightly in his arms, taking in the taste of her lips, finding that he had never wanted to hear anything as badly as what she had just uttered. So simply and pure, she had just wanted him. Not what he had, not the power he wielded, but just _him_.

Slowly, he broke their kiss, moving down to place his lips gently on a bruise on her neck. One of her many bruises, her body a battleground left with marks as reminders that once again he was a failure. This time, he had let down the one person he found he never wanted to fail. He moved down to the next one and then the next, watching her quiver under his kisses, but not pulling away.

Instead, she leaned into his caresses, pulling herself onto his lap as she began to run her hands over his torso. He pulled back, watching her look over him with wonder, feeling himself swell with pride as every touch burned him, every glide of her finger like a shock to his system.

Leaning forward, she began at the crook of his neck, placing a small kiss against his scar, trailing to his jaw, his cheek, and as he blinked, over his eye. She branded him with her lips, every press marking him as hers. With a gentle roll of her hips, he bucked in return and he heard her gasp as his hard cock twitched in eagerness.

They stared at each other for a moment, two clumsy virgins lost in a moment, before he started to remove her wraps, eagerly moving to see her bare before him.

He had spent too many nights, imagining what the scavenger had looked like without her trappings. Wild as she seemed to be, he wondered if he would find tan lines beneath her clothing, or just golden skin dotted with the same constellations of freckles that dotted her sweet face.

As he rose her shirt over her head, he was met with the latter. His wild scavenger, Rey, golden and freckled, her body more beautiful that he could have imagined. He had known she was petite, but he felt his mouth go dry as he looked at her lithe form, so perfectly toned yet curved in just the right way. Her pert breasts lovelier than he could have dreamt, her dusky nipples tight. Even bruised and battered, there could be no woman more perfect than the one who stoked him with another roll of her hips.

"Ben?" she asked, breathily. His gaze rose to her face, brows furrowed with concern and her eyes half-lidded with lust. He blinked, feeling as if he were lost in a fantasy. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he replied, and for the first time in years, he felt as if that were the truth.

* * *

Rey hips began to roll in rhythm, riding his lap and feeling his hard cock pulse as he bucked to meet her pace. She hadn't expected to feel it move, to grow hard under her, and she certainly hadn't expected it to feel so large. She had never seen one before or even touched one, but as she wantonly rode him, knew that she wanted to see his.

As he leaned forward, hovering over one of her breasts with his warm breath, she felt herself arch, a quiet, begging moan escaping her lips. Her nipple ached as he placed a gentle kiss there before placing it between his teeth and greedily sucking.

She gave a surprised cry as his tongue flicked over it, feeling herself writhe faster. He moved, pushing her down on the bunk and to her surprise, started to move down her torso, running his teeth across her, nipping her playfully, as he lowered her trousers, and started to massage her sex slowly.

"Ben!" she gasped, dragging her nails into his back as her legs spread wide. "No one's ever…" No one had ever touched her there. On her lonely Jakku nights, she had explored herself, but she had never touched her as he had begun to. He was gentle at first, slowly caressing her as she felt her breathing hitch, softly begging for more.

"You're so _wet_ ," he growled as he leaned in, delving one finger in, her sex greedy pulsing around it before he stuck in another, going in deeper. His other hand grabbing a breast, massaging the nipple between his forefinger and her thumb, completely losing herself to his touch.

"More," she breathed, losing herself in his touch. With abandon, she let herself cry out in desire, unable to fight how badly she needed him. "Please, please…"

"What do you want?" He leaned down to her ear, his breath on her neck as he pulled his fingers from her warmth, his touch hovering above her sex as he looked at her, gaze enthralled.

She bit her lip, struck by the question before crying out the answer: "Just you, Ben."

He plunged in deep, stroking her faster and faster, her sex clenching around his fingers tighter and tighter. She dug her nails into his back, their eyes locked as he watched her come closer to coming.

The hunger in his eyes as he rubbed her clit pushed her over the edge. Her mind was a blur, nothing mattering to her in that moment beyond every stroke and every caress that Ben made, as she grew loud with eager moans no longer able to even think about swallowing the noise.

His name on her lips, he pulled her close to him, burying her face in his neck as she cried out, coming hard onto his palm. Her bare skin against his, she felt as if her skin were vibrating with an energy that she had never known. She panted as he brought her against her, letting her rest against him.

"You're still hard." She could see the large bulge in his pants, still needing to be tended to and after that, she wanted nothing more than to return the favor.

"We're not done," he murmured as he climbed over her once more, starting to undo his pants. Her eyes widened as his member fell out, far bigger than she imagined when she had been rolling her hips over his lap. She didn't think she would be able to take it.

"Ben… I can't..."

With a whoosh, the door to the crew quarters opened followed by a loud, mechanic shriek and the sound of the whirling rolling of a droid escaping down the corridor, chittering all the while… just before thunderous footfall filled the air and Poe Dameron dashing into the door frame.

"Angel, Beebee-Ate said you were in trouble—" he barked, worry marking his rugged face as he took in the sight, no doubt making his own assumptions. "Rey!"

He paused only for a moment before he rushed over, grabbing Ben by the hair, and yanking him off of her before slamming his fist into his face, bone cracking against bone breaking the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *blows air horns* Aw, shit, guys. The RA showed up! *ollies out*


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boy fights!

Poe's fist had pounded against Kylo Ren's face with a _crack_ , the power behind the blow fueled by not only his own torture under the man's order, but by every loss he had faced in the Resistance, and the two weeks that Rey had faced alone with the First Order. Two weeks he had spent scrambling for a way to make sure that she wasn't yet another loss.

"Poe!" Rey's cry brought his gaze to hers, his fingers gripping into Kylo's matted mop of hair, his balled fist covered in crimson blood.

He had been lost, struggling between flashbacks of his own torture, and imagining hers. Seeing her when he had landed… Incredibly pale, battered, and exhausted… Everything that made her Rey had seemed lost in that moment. He was a man of great passion, bonds forming quickly, as he had with Finn, Leia, nearly everyone on his squadron. That trust had gotten him trouble before, but with Rey it had been just as easy to fall as it had time and time before.

The Resistance was made up of a broken people, and Poe found him consistently gathering the pieces and trying to make them fit to maybe, one day, become whole.

If he had been on that freighter, or if the starship he'd been piloting had been more than flying scrap metal, he might have stood a chance against the small fleet that the First Order had sent after them. He was reminded repeatedly that Hux had said that a larger fleet was just a distance away, but if he had at least been able to risk it…

All that pent-up frustration of his failure was behind that blow. Seeing Rey, covered with blood and bruises as they landed, even with his quick remark, had left him shaken for her. She'd been weak, barely able to stand on her own, her voice hoarse and her frame trembling. And yet, she had still wanted to bring that bastard onboard the _Falcon_ , tending to him before herself _._

He'd spent an hour in the cockpit with Chewbacca, fuming in the copilot's seat until he had heard Finn finally break the ice. And when she had thanked him, shooting him that shy smile… Poe felt his anger fade, easily charmed by her smile and her casual demeanor as she spoke with Finn.

He looked away from her, unable to process what he had walked into completely. Kylo Ren, a monster, had been straddling Rey, a girl whom he had ordered tortured. BB-8 had cried out for help, seeing nothing but danger in the act. All the parts of the puzzle pointed to one thing: Ren had attacked Rey.

As Poe moved to slam his fist against Kylo's face once more, even with Rey's cry still ringing in his ears, he felt his hand freeze in midair. His muscles struggled against the invisible weight, aching with the strain, but he didn't rest. He struggled against it, adrenaline pumping through him even as he felt himself begin to choke, his air supply cut from him as the other man quickly dealt with his exposed parts trousers, his other hand extended as he gripped air. From behind, he could see Rey, body still battered from the torture she had just gone through, scramble to clothe herself as well.

"What… the hell… is going… on here?" he gasped, eyes darting between the two, trying not to keep his gaze lingering on one or the other for too long. Finally, he decided to look at Kylo, giving Rey a chance to finish covering herself.

Black spots danced on edge of his sight, but he didn't break eye contact. He had hit him right in the side of the head, it seemed, where he had been wounded earlier, blood streaming down the side of his face once more. "You… You wanna drop the Force shit for… for a minute?"

"Ben, let him go!" he heard Rey cry, moving to grab his arm. She had hastily tied her wraps around her breasts, the red of her embarrassment flooded away by a shock of white.

As he felt the Force drop, Poe jumped on him again, getting one more shot in before Kylo struck back, his fist striking his jaw before a hard push knocked him across the room where he hit the frame of the door.

At the slam, BB-8 returned to the scene, looking between the three before rushing over to Poe's side, nudging him gently as if to urge him up. He felt something pop in his chest, most likely a cracked rib, as he struggled to get to his feet. BB-8's careful touch didn't help him up to his feet, but he leaned onto the droid briefly before resting against the door.

He didn't bring his gaze up to meet Rey's, but her gaze bore into him. Hours ago, he would have done anything to have her look at him like the rest of the galaxy, to see him as a hero. Now, all he could feel was her fear and pity.

* * *

"Poe!" she cried again as she rushed forward, only to stumble to a stop at the sheer fury in his gaze. While she had come to know him, she had found that his emotions always shone clearly in his deep eyes. Where she had seen humor and passion before, all she found was hurt... _betrayal._

It froze her there, watching as he wiped a bit of blood from him lip as he straightened up. His biceps bulged as he clutched the wall, rippling muscles obvious beneath his tank top. If Ben was large and hulking, Poe was compact but well built.

From behind, she could feel Ben, seething as he bled. She extended an arm back, a poor attempt to calm him as she struggled to explain what had just happened. As reality came crashing back to her, she hardly doubted that she quite understood it herself. To get so swept up in a moment, lost in his kiss and mad desire for her with Finn and Poe so close… She hadn't been thinking.

"You wanna explain what the hell is goin' on?" he panted, words dripping venomously, as he ran a hand through his hair, settling his stray locks back into the place. "I heard the _noises._ Beebee-Ate said you were being attacked. One helluva fight, huh? Letting a man who killed his own father, orchestrated your kidnapping _twice_ , and ended the life of a legend bend you over?"

"It's not that simple," she breathed as she sought to find the right words. His words weren't wrong. Her body still ached to finish what they had started and it embarrassed her. She rose her hands to her hair, tangling her fingers through as she helplessly glanced between the two men.

"Did you creep around in her brain?" Poe demanded as he finally turned to Ben as he jumped to his next conclusion. He moved slowly, his entire body tense, ready to continue the fight. She moved, catching him and trying to push him back even as he barked his biting words over her shoulder. "Huh? With your… Force mind-tricks?"

"Trust me, Dameron, there was no _force_ involved here," Ben shot back, only causing Poe attempt to reach around Rey and grab him. She could hear the sneer in his voice, gloating and possessive. Letting him know that he'd won something. As if what had just happened between her and him, that intimate moment unlike any she had before, was a victory over Poe. It made her stomach churn, shame only rising more as she stood between them.

There had always been a mysterious pull between her and Ben. From the moment she had first met him in her vision on Takodana, she had felt it. It had started as something as bizarre as an odd familiarity between them, to something more. Mysterious it had been, but what had frightened her hadn't been the mystery behind it, but rather how welcome that tug had been after a life of clinging to a lonely memory.

Every meeting, in that span of a few hours, had seemed to shake them both until they're shared visions of one another only made her sure that there must be a reason to their bond. Even if it were only her affinity for the light and his for the darkness, it had become more. Every insight she gained into him and him into her, acted as a tangle making sure that she was just as caught on his brambles as he was to hers.

"Would you both stop?" Rey shouted, feeling her body give way under the strain of holding him back. His muscles bulged, hard and straining against her, as a vein pulsed in his jaw. Everything about Poe was impulse and passion, unrestrained and unbroken. Every action was a reaction. Even as she held him back, he was an unbridled animal and she was rusted cage, breaking against his strength.

Whatever adrenaline had fueled her passion was diminished, she felt herself crumble once more, tossed aside in Poe's scramble to reach Ben. As she hit the floor roughly the air knocked out of her, whatever coolness that Ben had been clinging to broke and broiled into rage.

As Poe turned his attention to Rey, she watched helplessly as Ben took that moment to pound his fist into his jaw, and another skirmish began. This time, she saw nothing but untamed fury in Ben's eyes.

His massive form bulged, every muscle quivering with his anger as he moved face and hard to strike Poe. Whatever concentration he had used earlier to hold him into place was gone, self-control lost as he brought blow upon blow against Poe's smaller form. He didn't use the Force, but she could feel it around him, just as enraged and turbulent as he was. There was no serenity there, just crackling heat waiting for him to harness it. Once he gained a moment of clarity, she didn't doubt that he would end Poe with a brutal blow.

She watched as Poe brought his arms up, protecting his face, struggling to get a strike in. He was quick, she would give him that. He dodged, moving with a decisiveness that Ben lacked, taking advantage of every missed strike and every clumsy punch.

As Poe broke his pose, she watched as he made a decisive strike against Ben's wounded side and watched as the larger man winced, leaning forward weakly. That gave Poe an easy shot to mark the side of his head with his fist once more. As the fight got dirtier, they looked less like a seasoned pilot and a skilled warrior, but a pair of two boys in a schoolyard scuffle.

"Stop…" she breathed, finally catching her breath. The fracas continued, Poe taking petty blows at Ben's injured side and Ben blowing back even as he began to pale in pain.

Grunts and sputtering curses filled the air as they began to tangle together, Ben pulling Poe in a headlock and holding his head there tight as Poe bit his nails into Ben's flesh. With a quick jerk,

Pushing herself up, she extended a shaking hand as she closed her eyes. With trembling fingers, she flexed them straight, and with a shaking breath, she parted them, tossing both men to opposite sides of the room.

"I said _stop_ ," she growled, keeping a steady gaze between the two men. They were two bloodied messes: Ben, his wounds reopened with a bloody nose and busted lip to match them, and Poe with a black eye, a swollen jaw, and scrapped knuckles.

As she caught her breath, Finn finally appeared in the doorway. He looked between the three of them, opening his mouth to speak, but Rey cut him off before he could utter a word.

"You stay there," she said pointedly, putting together a plan of attack. She needed to explain things delicately to Finn, or they would be facing another _confrontation._ If he was just running in, maybe he hadn't heard the same 'noises' that Poe had mentioned overhearing. If she could have one thing in that moment, it would be that. "No, wait… Patch up Poe in the main hold. We can talk about… We can talk there."

* * *

"General Hux—"

"Grand Marshal," Hux murmured darkly to the officer, his height tall as he kept his hands folded behind his back. There was an elation that filled him when he said the title. So long he had been waiting to utter those words, to be hear them said in reference to him. Snoke had denied him the privilege for years despite how he had earned them. Every stroke, every movement, every death under his command had been greater and far outweighed whatever torn decision Kylo Ren had ever made.

With him gone, finally he would have the control he had always deserved. There would be no more sniveling, no more officers looking down their noses at him, no more fools following an ancient, near dead religion questioning his authority. Even now, the Knights of Ren were disposing Kylo Ren and no doubt struggling among themselves to come out on top.

"Grand Marshal," the officer murmured, clearing their throat. "We have gotten word on what went down in the hangar of the _Vindicator_."

"Oh, do tell me how Kylo Ren died," he sneered, the idea of his death almost making him hard. "I told them to bring him in alive if they could, but I've no doubt that his anger of his blinded him. Especially if the reports in regard to his departure to go and save that scavenger have been correct."

Kylo Ren was well known for his rages and the reports had surprised Hux. There was no raging bull rampaging all the way to hangar. Instead, they had said he had been a man, fuming with an intensity and purpose that no one had quite seen in the 'Supreme Leader' before.

"The status of… of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren," the officer murmured. "Apparently, the man we had infiltrate the Resistance was… caught and gave word to the Resistance. They… They have Ren. Whether he lives or not is unknown."

The world around him shifted as his mind went briefly blank as he tried to process what had just been said.

"The Resistance… has Kylo Ren," he breathed. "I want him, alive or corpse in pieces. Place a bounty on his head. No doubt the scum guerrillas will toss him back for a few credits. For now, I want every broadcast in the galaxy running the story that Kylo Ren is a dangerous traitor to the First Order, but no friend to the New Republic. I want to make sure that he is a man without a place to turn."

"Of course, General—"

"Grand Marshal!" Hux screamed, receiving only a frightful nod before the officer scurried off to make their report.

* * *

Sitting back on the bunk, Kylo continued to sit in the long silence that had begun to stretch between him and Rey. No doubt any moment she would look up at him with that fawning gaze of hers, lips parted, brows knitted with sweet concern, to gently slap his hand.

As she reached up to dab an antiseptic solution against the wound with a firm hard, he winced, a sharp hiss escaping his lips as he finally looked down at her. Instead of seeing that sweet concern he saw… pouting? No, anger. She was angry? After he had just defended her honor against Dameron who had tossed her aside as if she were nothing?

"You're angry?" he accused as she struck him hard once more with the antiseptic. She was supposed to be upset, yet doting. Not absolutely livid, fuming as she patched him up as if it were some unwanted duty. "After what he said?"

"Apart from the… misunderstanding of whatever he thinks the Force bond is between us, what exactly did he say that was wrong?" she asked as she looked up at him. "Yes, he… Beebee-Ate implied that you were forcing yourself on me. If you had given a minute to talk to him instead of jumping on him—"

"He hit me first _and_ he pushed you aside like you were just an obstacle in his way," Kylo growled, replaying the image of her gasping on the floor in his mind's eye.

He had seen her tumble to the floor, struggling for breath because of Dameron's recklessness. No one would lay a hand on Rey again. Not while he still had a breath within him.

"What was I supposed to do?" he demanded. "He's lucky that I didn't end him in that moment, Rey. If he lays another hand on you—"

"It was an accident because you were goading him on," she bit back as she set the swab back down on the medical tray. "And what do you think you could have done that I can't manage? I won our first fight. You don't think that I could handle Poe? Instead, you had to gloat about our… intimate moment. Lording what happened between us over him as if it were some sort of… victory over him. As if you've won me."

"Haven't I?" he asked as he reached over to cup her cheek, attempting to pull her in and steal another kiss from her, to calm her anger. Instead, he received a hard slap to the hand as she pushed away from him. He blinked, confused.

"I am not something to be won!" she cried angrily, her cheeks burning red. "How can you even think that way?"

"Think what way?" he asked, brows furrowed as he raked his gaze over her, once again perplexed by her. She had kissed him, let her take her to brink, and had been ready for so much before the droid interrupted. "That you want _just me_? After you said it? Twice."

Rey blinked, her head shaking weakly as suddenly, she looked just as confused as he felt. That anger flooded from her face, replaced by a blank shock as if she were just realizing something.

"When you came for me," she murmured softly. "And I said I needed to return to the Resistance, you said that you knew that I did. You were ready to bring me back to the Resistance. You… You weren't planning on joining me there. You aren't…" She breathed, her voice breaking. "You aren't staying with us, are you?"

He was silent, that familiar pain in his chest returning as she spoke. She had thought that he had intended to join the Resistance, to stand alongside those he had spent the last years of his life fighting and destroying. Foolishly, he had thought that when she had said that she had just wanted him… that she had meant just that. No Resistance, no First Order.

Just _them._

In the wake of her question, he could feel her expectancy as she waited for him to hurt her with the truth that she thought was already known.

"No," he answered, never breaking his gaze from hers. As she parted her lips, the gentle shaking of her head and the pain he saw in those hazel of eyes of hers beckoned her to him. He wanted so badly to reassure her, to utter that he had been kidding, but what place did he have among the Resistance?

"So, when I said that I only wanted you," she murmured softly, tears softly prickling at her eyes. "You didn't feel the same way. I meant those words, Ben. I meant them with everything in me—"

"Then leave these people and we can find some place where we can truly be together," he insisted, words growing heated as they began to argue once more. Again, they were clashing as they had in the throne room. He feared that once again, they would end parted. "I have no place in the Resistance, Rey. Just like you have no place in the First Order."

"Say that you feel the same way," Rey demanded. "If my place is in the Resistance, and it is, you should be able to follow me there. You should want to make things right, not continue to run away from your past!"

He wondered, briefly, what she saw when she looked at him. So much more than anyone else did, he was sure. His entire life he had lived in the shadow of others, suffocating in the darkness that they're mighty legacies cast over him, but here… she looked at him expecting him to rise to the occasion.

"I want only you," he answered. "Not the Resistance, not this war that we didn't even start—"

She had begun to shake her head, unable to look at him as he continued, his words not reaching her. Just as it had been before. Until, there was a pounding at the door. Three heavy knocks were followed by a loud clearing of someone's throat.

"I am knocking on this door to make you aware of my presence," Poe called from behind the door as a fearful BB-8 chittered underneath his booming voice. "I am respecting your privacy, but I really need you to open the damn door."

Rey rolled her eyes, wiping away her tears quickly, as she went to open the door.

"We got an incoming transmission that your boyfriend has a bounty on his head," Poe murmured as he looked down at his feet before he dared to look up at Rey. "Hux put out that Kylo Ren is an enemy of the state who killed Supreme Leader Snoke. Apparently, and anyone found harboring him is just as guilty as he is. Not that we weren't already wanted, but I figured I'd let you both know."

"He's not my boyfriend," Rey muttered as she pushed past Poe. Poe blinked before looking over at Kylo and giving him a pair of arched brows and, possibly, the most infuriating smirk he had ever seen.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe, Finn, and Rey try to figure out what to do with Benlo. Benlo finds a shirt.

"I say we just space him," Finn said as he leaned back, his arms crossed. "I was serious this time and I'm serious now. We can't bring him back to the Resistance like… like a stray pet we found on our way back. If anything, we should turn him back over to the First Order. This whole thing is insane."

"Again, Finn, thank you for the suggestion, but we are not spacing him," Rey answered, shaking her head. The longer she spent in the safety of the _Falcon_ , the more her body seemed to ache and the more her entire being screamed for sleep. "He's a man with no home. If the First Order has abandoned him as their leader and want him as a prisoner, we can't just hand him over."

Logically, she knew that he should be handed over to the First Order. He had been the one to kill Snoke, allowed her to take the blame for it, and ordered her to be taken prisoner. _Twelve days_ had become a mantra that had fueled her heartbreak as she escaped, and it seemed to be the only thing that might keep her grounded. Even then, that pain only doubled when she thought of tossing him back to the First Order.

"I really don't get this, Rey," he sighed, closing his eyes, retreating away from the conservation.

Rey, Finn, and Poe had settled back into the main hold, leaving Ben in the makeshift brig that the crew quarters had become. They had locked the door from the outside, giving both Poe and Finn a sense that they still maintained some sort of control on the situation. Rey knew that they couldn't really hold him there, but after that fight she doubted that he would be up for a while as Poe had successfully reopened his wounds.

Tensions were still high, anger pulsing between the three as they had left the events of past hour unspoken. Poe had vaguely explained things to Finn, it seemed, as he seemed just as livid at her as he was at Ben.

"Have you even told Leia that we've found him?" Rey asked, the question pointed at Poe. Of all of them, she wasn't quite sure who the news should come from. Her relationship with Leia was odd. Every time she met the woman, she felt like a harbinger of death. Both times she had come to the Resistance, she seemed to have sense the losses before Rey could say a word.

Poe, on the other hand, was her star pilot and seemed to have a bond beyond that. No doubt that Endor connection that Lando had brought up on the Calgua played a part, but it seemed to be more than a respect for his family, and he seemed to care for the woman in the same way. Perhaps, if she were to guess, they filled the voids left in one another. Poe, with his mother's death, and Leia with Ben's turn to the dark side.

"I don't want to give Leia half of a report," Poe replied as he gave her a tired glance. "Yeah, we got Kylo Ren on board, but bringing him back to the Resistance… This could all be an insane, twisted trap. It's weird that just as we were coming to rescue you, after we found their mole, Kylo Ren comes in trying to save the day."

"It _is_ weird," Finn agreed.

"And the part where he was nearly killed by his own men," Rey pointed out. "That was all a part of this trap? Everything that happened in that hangar was real. He fought tooth and nail… and he wanted me to leave him there."

"Okay, let's just…" Poe tossed his hands up before firmly planting them on the table, turning his full attention to Rey. "Let's get this all out in the open air, huh? What is going on between you and Ren? I'm not talking about the reason BB-8 is going to have to get a memory wipe of that little 'intimate moment' you were sharing with Kylo Ren once we land, but the whole damn thing, angel."

 _Angel._ Despite everything, he was still calling her that silly pet name of his. Part of her wanted to correct him again, but the way his voice calmed as he said it and his gaze became gentle, she couldn't bring herself to do so.

"It… It's hard to say where it started," she admitted as she stood, taking a deep breath as paced the hold. "I think… I think the first time we met on Takodana…"

"Where he kidnapped you." From the corner of her eye, she couldn't help but to notice Finn roll his eyes as he grumbled the words.

"Where he kidnapped me," she agreed. "It's… How do I even explain it? I can feel the Force all around me. The energy that surrounds all things, but… it feels like… having a line connected to him always."

When they were on the base, during the interrogation, he had taken off his mask and it was like the line was held taut and then someone strummed their finger over it so that it would vibrate, and they would be aware of it.

"You brought up the… thing with the Force before," Poe sighed. "What is going on between the two of you outside of all _that._ " He gestured vaguely with his hands.

"I-I don't know," Rey gave a tired laugh, covering her eyes with one hand. They were a mess. That seemed to be the answer that struck her most easily. Everything about him drew her to him, that broken light was a lantern in the night that kept guiding her to him. "I see the good in him, but I can see where the darkness in him comes from… I know his heart better than I know my own."

Her own was a turmoil of loyalties being stretched and pulled into all different directions. To her friends, to the Resistance, to what remained of the Jedi, to Ben… His was a conflict with himself, with the darkness he had let fester. It was that same darkness she felt in herself, that abandonment and loss. At his extended hand, she had been momentarily willing to abandon her friends and the Resistance, enticed by his plea to join him.

"We can't just hand him over to the First Order," she murmured, bringing the conversation away from her affection for Ben, and back to the task at hand. "What we need to do… We need to patch Leia in, let her know that we have Ben, and go from there."

Poe opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly interrupted. "You can tell her whatever you think she needs to know," she sighed. "That Ben and I… we are in… a relationship of sorts… You can tell her that I think that he should stay with us instead of being tossed back to the First Order."

If he was sent back to Hux, she would never see him again. She felt it in her core, and the very idea frightened her.

"I'll go patch her in," Poe said as he got to his feet, running a tired hand over his face. His tone was tense, clearly still not understanding the affection that she had for Ben, but he didn't press it any further. "Get some rest, angel. You have a full night's rest in, what? Almost thirteen days?"

* * *

Kylo silently entered the main hold. The lock on the door had been pathetically easy to bypass, the old ship's lock something he had tinkered with as a child. As he walked down the old corridor, he felt like he was in a dream. The _Falcon_ seemed smaller than he remembered, rustier and more faded. Every time it dawned on him where he was, he felt his heart begin to pick up pace, panic urging him to find a way out.

The ship seemed to be a hell made just for him, reminding him of one of his greatest crimes. The death of Han Solo by his hand had haunted him from the moment he struck the man down. Even as he tried to run from the deed, push it far from his mind, all he could see what his father's shocked expression as he ignited the blade. The act should have freed him, but instead it only shackled him to his father's memory, leading him down a path of mistakes.

Hours had passed since his skirmish with Dameron and his fight with Rey. Was it a fight? Part of him wanted to believe that it was a misunderstanding, that she would see how she was wrong. He had given up everything he had known for her… upon the realization that he had lead her into a trap before stumbling like a fool into one set for himself by Hux.

As he entered, he scanned the room, FN-2187 tensed where he sat on the game table while Dameron was nowhere to be found. His eyes finally found Rey, resting on her sleeping for on the bunk just across from the table where Finn sat. That woman was all wild fury, pulsing with a power that she had yet to fully conceive, but in that moment, finally asleep, she looked so vulnerable that it frightened him.

If Hux had been loyal and had brought her straight to him as he had asked, he would have made sure that under the First Order that she wouldn't have come to harm. Instead, she fought her way out of a prison cell, managing to get through to the hangar with ease no doubt because Hux had known he was rushing there to save her.

Trying to save her from his mistake and rushing into a trap. It had been his fault that she had been there, his own desire to stay with the First Order, to mold it into something new… The galaxy had been at his gunpoint, and he could have forced it to change just by his sheer will. All he had wanted was her to be there, guiding his hand.

Now, he was a man with nothing.

"Are you going to just continue to creepily stare at her, or… I don't know, go back to your room, hang out there, and find a shirt? Maybe?"

FN-2187's voice pulled him from his thoughts. He turned his gaze to the other man, a frown resting bitterly on his lips.

"Does the fact that I don't have a shirt bother you?" he asked dryly. "I doubt you and Dameron have anything spare that would fit."

Purposely, he flexed his massive form, tensing his muscles just to prove a point. He was already half a foot taller than them both, and since joining the First Order, he'd only worn garments tailored to his height.

"No, but I'm sure one of Solo's old shirts would fit you," FN-2187 scoffed, rolling his eyes as he sat back once more.

His father's clothing… That panic struck him again, and he flung his fist into the wall of the _Falcon._ His eyes flickered once more to Rey, that brief panic lifting at the sight of her.

"What the hell are you doing?" FN-2187 hissed, getting to his feet as his patience worn thin. "Get back to the crew quarters and… go find a damn shirt. She's trying to sleep."

Rey tensed, a subtle whine escaping her lips as she flung an arm in his direction, but she didn't wake. She slept like a child, he noted, as one leg fell over the side of the bunk.

"Go find a shirt."

He could have torn through the other man easily, but walking Rey with another fight with one of her friends, he didn't doubt, would just infuriate her more.

Stalking back to the crew quarters, he paused in the doorframe to slam his fist in the wall once more, denting the old wall. There had to be a way out of the _Falcon_ before he was turned into the Resistance or the First Order. He moved over to the dresser, flinging each drawer open and ripping through for a decent set of clothes.

At the base of the first drawer, he felt his stomach churn. Below a dozen pairs of mismatched socks, he found an old photo. Crinkled at the edges and cracked where it had been folded, he was faced with himself. A younger version of himself, perhaps no older than seven, with his large ears protruding beneath a shock of black hair, the cut short and chosen by his mother. In the photo, he gave her a patchwork grin of missing baby teeth, and she smiled easily back as his father clumsily ducked into frame, wrapping an arm around them both.

He remembered the photo, how he had insisted on using a timer, and how this was the last of nearly two dozen.

"If you're going to be spending all your time with your Uncle Luke, hell, I'm going to have to get at least one good picture before you go," Han had insisted, shooting him that classic smirk. As a child, he had never quite understood why he had phrased his Jedi training that way.

He wasn't going to spend time with Luke because he had a choice, but because they were sending him away. Snoke had repeated that story to him over and over again, stoking his doubt, fueling his frustration with his father. He had always thought his father had been afraid of his power, unable to understand that he had been afraid of it too. He had always thought that it had been a relief for Han to dump him off at the Jedi temple with Luke.

Looking at the photo now, he could see a hint of grief behind his eyes as he held both he and his mother close.

"It's not like you'll never see him again!" Leia had laughed, exasperated as the camera clicked.

Blinking, Ben felt tears burn his cheeks as he found himself taking the photo and folding it up before placing it on the top of the dresser.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some good fashioned goodbye sex.

Rey slept. For the first time since she had left Ahch-to, she fully and deeply slept. For as long as she could remember, it had always been difficult to sleep. Sleeping on Jakku meant being unaware, a target for anyone looking to steal what little junk she had collected to trade. Every scurried step of a desert creature or strong howl of wind had sent her reeling, her heart always pounding in her ears.

If she did sleep, often she dreamt of the night her parents left her there. Even though they had become nothing more than faceless figures, their vague voices distant echoes, the always seemed to be there. Like a stain on heart, they haunted her in her dreams, letting her know that they were not coming back.

Sleeping nestled on the bunk in the _Falcon's_ main hold, she had been easily lulled by the comforting moans and groans of the old ship, and the distant conversation in the cockpit between Poe, Chewbacca, and Finn. For the first time in years, she slept soundly. No dreams came. There were no nightmares weaving down the dark path of her mind, no thunderous pangs of fear, no pathetic sobs.

For once, there was just peace.

Curling up further into the warmth of the blankets she had burrowed into, she opened her eyes. Hazily, she saw Finn sitting across the room. She gave him a soft smile as she sat up.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked, her throat dry. Her body still ached, parts of her aching even more after that long rest.

"Damn, those bruises… they're ugly," he muttered as he got to his feet, reaching for a medkit he had obviously been waiting to use. She looked down at her arms, frowning to see that the fresh ones seemed to be a deep, ugly purple with tinges of a sickly green. "And you've been asleep for… I think, going on fourteen hours."

"I don't think anything in that medkit is going to make these heal any faster," she murmured, reaching over to touch his hand. "And what do you mean I've been asleep for fourteen hours? Has Poe talked to Leia? Where are we going?"

"Well… Ah, you should really get some food into you," he said, changing the subject quickly, nervousness flashing in his eyes. "And then we can get Poe and Chewbacca, and go over the plan."

"I can eat after we talk," Rey insisted even as her stomach gurgled in protest. "I want to know what's going on. You shouldn't have let me sleep so long."

"You'd been running on steam since we pulled you out of that hell hole," Finn insisted. "You should have been asleep within the first fifteen minutes you were on the _Falcon_ , but…" He held his breath, shaking his head. "We let you sleep. That's really the end of that. If you really want to get back to business…" He held his hands up. "Let me go grab Poe."

Wincing, she straightened up. Licking her lips, she tasted the dry blood from where they had cracked. Looking down at herself, she wondered how Ben could have been so eager to see her naked. She felt like she was tarnished, but he had kissed every last mark. With a clearer head, she blushed at the memory, but she found that she enjoyed it.

"Good morning, angel," Poe called as he and Finn reentered the hold. "You're looking better. Like you were smashed by a trash compactor, sure, but you've got some of your color back."

"I don't know why you think you're so funny," Rey remarked dryly, but found herself smiling still.

"Me?" Poe asked, placing a hand over his heart as he pretended to be shocked by the accusation.

"Yes, you," Rey sighed. "Now, are you going to tell me about where we're going? What's the plan?"

"The plan is," Poe said, his playful demeanor faltering as he rubbed the back of his neck. "The plan is that we're making a stop at Naboo. We're letting Kylo Ren off there. Leia's, apparently, got a connection that'll let him take one of their ships and… go wherever he's going to go. We've all come to the agreement that he'd be more of a risk as a Resistance prisoner than an advantage. Not that we can apparently even really hold him… as he's already unlocked the crew quarters four separate times."

"At least he's not half naked now," Finn shuddered.

"I don't get it," she murmured as she brushed loose strands of hair from her face. "She's just letting him leave?" Of all people, she had thought that Leia would have wanted him to be taken to the Resistance. Whether it was to face her son as a killer or a prodigal, she still thought that the General would want to face him.

"With a target on his back and every bounty hunter in the galaxy on his trail," Poe nodded. "We're trying to rebuild something, Rey. We can't have him there, even in a cell, with how much the First Order apparently wants him. It's finally out that he killed Snoke. Loyalists want to see him punished. Surprisingly, the Resistance is giving mixed… reviews."

"Have you told Ben?" she asked, her eyes flickering toward the corridor leading to the crew quarters.

"He knows," Poe answered. "He, ah, was the one who didn't want to endanger the Resistance. Leia wanted him brought back, but…" He shook his head, tossing a hand up. "He has a point, though. If this is true, that he killed Snoke, and the First Order does want him to pay, we're in no position to be harboring the galaxy's most wanted fugitive."

Rey nodded her head weakly, feeling numb. They were going to part again, just when they had managed to come together.

"I'm going to talk to him," she said as she got to her feet, not waiting for either of the men to stop her. As she approached the crew quarters, the door was wide open, and she could see him lounging on one of the bunks. This time, he was fully clothed. She stood there dumbly, for a moment, as he wasn't dressed in his First Order garb.

Instead, he had settled on a pair of faded merlot trousers with a crimson stripe running along the seam, a simple gray shirt tucked in at the waist, and a black jacket with the sleeves pushed up to his elbow. It was a distinctive look, but it suited him. Instead of his usual knightly attire, he looked more like a common man. His head was tilted back, his dark mane pushed away from his face.

"Ben," she called softly from the door.

"You're awake," he murmured as he sat up, slinging his long legs over the side of the bunk as he turned to face her. Her response was just to nod, struggling to find the words she wanted to say. He rose to standing and they both took in each other for a long moment.

"You know, that when you are a prisoner… you're not supposed to unlock the door," she managed to tease as she entered the room, approaching him. "Four times, I think is what Poe told me. It's funny that you would open the door just to sit in the room."

He shrugged. "I've never liked being caged," was his response. "Not when I can do something about it."

"I came to say… that I-I…" she cleared her throat as she took a deep breath. "I don't want you to leave, but… but if you're really doing it to protect the Resistance, I can't stop you. What I said before… I wasn't being fair."

"Rey," he reached over to grab her hand, his hand tentatively hovering near hers as if he were afraid to touch her. She took it, stroking the back of his hand gently with her thumb. "If this craving I have to be near you ends up in you getting hurt, it's not worth it. I made the call to have you brought into the First Order. If I had just left you alone…"

"But you didn't order what happened on that ship," she replied, assuring him that she did know that it wasn't his intention to have her tortured. He seemed to deflate at her words, squeezing her hand tightly.

"If I hadn't given the order for your capture in the first place, Hux wouldn't have thought to… to spend days torturing you. Just knowing that he sought you out, somehow knowing that I would come for you the moment I realized what he had done… Rey, you're my greatest weakness."

"No," she answered stubbornly, a weak smile pulling at her lips as she gave a confused laugh. "Ben, please don't say that. Don't act like we haven't started changing each other from the very beginning. That isn't weakness. That's strength."

"Out of the entire galaxy, Rey, I have nothing else that I care about as deeply as I care about you," he insisted as he pulled her into an embrace. "To me, you are an anchor."

"Do you mean that I keep you grounded or that I'm dragging you down?" she asked as she felt her lips begin to tremble, the forced smile wavering.

"You make me feel like I'm connected to someone instead of being completely alone," he answered as he began to stroke her hair. "If I were to ever lose you… The galaxy would burn until I found who decided to take all of the light from the stars. If being near me puts you closer to that danger…"

She felt him tense, holding her tighter against him.

"Where did this come from?" she asked, looking up at him. "Just yesterday you wanted me to go with you, to abandon the Resistance, and… and do whatever it is that young lovers do when they run away together." She imagined that it was very similar to what she had experienced with him just a day prior.

"Being on this ship again with a clear head, without Snoke clouding my mind," he murmured, closing his eyes as his brow tensed. "Speaking to my mother for the first time in… nine years, even if it was just over holo…" She blinked at that. She hadn't thought that he had actually spoken to his mother. If anything, she had thought that Poe had acted as a sort of intermediary figure between the two.

"I need to figure out who I am," he insisted. "Kylo Ren… or Ben Solo. Outside of the First Order, the Jedi, and the New Republic."

"So, you're going to spend your days running from bounty hunters to do that?" she asked, a pang of panic thrilling through her. He would be constantly running, always looking over his shoulder for whoever had deemed him a mark.

"Skywalker hid for years before you came along," he pointed out. "I can find somewhere safe. Don't worry, Rey, I'll come back for you."

She pressed her face into his chest, holding onto him. He coaxed her to look up at her, seeming to study her face as he wiped away her tears.

"I want to be with you," she said, a gentle waver in her voice. "Before you leave, I want to be with you for real. Even with the Force Bond… I want my first time to be with you as you are."

A moment passed between them, him staring down at her with that damned look that maddened her. As if she were just as alien to him as any creature they would find on an uncharted planet in the Outer Rim.

"If you rather not…"

He extended a hand towards the door, using the Force to close it. The clang of the door closing was followed by the click of a lock.

Rey pulled herself up, wrapping her legs around his torso as she gave him a deep, fervent kiss, tangling her fingers through his hair. He planted his hands firmly on the cheeks of her ample rear, holding her into place as he kissed her back, meeting her fervor with his own. There was no hesitation between them, both of them desperate to make the most of the moment.

Somehow, knowing that they had agreed to this separation only made her heart ache more. She could cry, beg for him to stay with her or toss away her ties of the Resistance and follow him on the run. The latter was far more tempting than she liked to admit, especially as he nibbled on her bottom lip.

As he leaned back into his bunk, they began to fumble with each other's clothing. It was a quick affair of tugging and tearing. Struggling with his shirt, Rey tore the neckline and froze as he kicked off his pants.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped gently, unable to suppress a giggle that burst from her lips. He stared down at the tear for only a moment before he stuck his fingers in the rip and tore it open in three short bursts before hastily tossing the shirt aside. In that moment, she found him insanely beautiful and absolutely mad in his haste.

A shriek of laughter escaped her, but before it grew too loud, he crushed it with another kiss. Parting, he started to run his lips over her neck, his hand reaching for the folds of her sex, that dampened with one smooth stroke of his forefinger. She quivered and felt him grow hard against her thigh. The sensation only made her grow wetter which by the next slow stroke of his hand only seemed to please him as he gave a shallow exhale.

"I'm going to kiss you down there," he whispered in her ear, his voice husky with desire. He sounded as if he had to taste her in that moment, see her writhe against the warmth of his breath. As if he didn't, he would lose himself. Before she had a chance to argue, he pushed her down gently in the bed, a fevered look of determination stark upon his face.

He started again at her neck, nipping at her flesh as he moved down her body. At her breast, he took a detour to run his tongue around her nipple, tracing a slow warm circle around it, teasing her until he began to suckle at it, gentling biting her nipple. She felt herself buck beneath him, desperate to begin.

Her fingers began to trail down to her sex, only to be caught in his large grasp. He looked up at her, eyes dark as a smirk touched his lips.

"Put them over your head," he ordered.

"Ben—"

"Put them over your head," he repeated. "Let me do this for you."

She nodded weakly as she put her hands up as she laid back on the bunk, resting them over head as he trailed down further. Every kiss he placed made her feel as if her skin were on fire. Her fingers twitched, desperate to touch her sex, to pinch her nipple, to do _something…_ but she kept them in place.

Finally, she could feel his hot breath against her sex as he opened her legs. He started slow with the flick of his tongue, parting her lips as he gently probed her. A quiet moan escaped her and she felt him smile against her.

"You have the most amazing taste," he groaned against her before deepening his kiss. Her sex began to pulse against the fevered flicks of his kiss, hungrily taking his tongue as she rocked ever so softly against him.

* * *

Ben felt his cock throb painfully beneath him as he continued to taste Rey. Every moan that escaped her made him crave her more, every pulse of her greedy sex causing his cock to twitch in reply. He didn't know how long he could last until he would come on his own, but even as he kissed her, he could feel that her virgin sex was tight.

He needed to make sure that she could take him, that he wouldn't hurt her. As she rocked, he pulled away only to hear a disappointed cry.

"Ben!" she breathed, her gaze lusty and confused as she looked down at him.

"Trust me," he murmured as he brought his hand against her sex once more, swirling her once with one finger before penetrating her with two. He watched as she laid back, arching to his touch. He began to massage her, rubbing her clit slowly as he began to kiss at her abdomen, trailing back up until he was against her neck once more.

"I want you in me," he heard her beg as her hands came down to grip at his back, her nails biting into his flesh. "Please, please…"

His cock twitched in agreeance, gorged with seed. As he brought his hand away from her sex, he pressed his head against her lips, carefully rocking his hips against hers. Already, she felt so tight against him, but he didn't stop. He wanted nothing more to be inside of her, to be one with her as she began to buck in time with him.

He looked down at her and realized that nothing else would ever feel as good, as pure as the pleasure that was racking his body. No one would ever be as beautiful to him as Rey was, with her fevered pants and her hair askew, looking up at him in awe as if she thought the same thing. She needed him just as badly as he needed her.

"Ben," she cried softly, his name from her lips sounding like a song she sang only for him He drove in deeper, his pace quickening as he began to lose himself to the pleasure that being entangled with her brought him. "Oh, Ben…"

As their rhythm heightened, her tight sex pulsing around his shaft, he felt her come and he came with her. She called out his name, calling it out like a prayer as for a few moments they became one. He felt himself spend in time with her orgasm, the sensation numbing his brain as his entire form burned with pleasure as he cried out her name.

" _Rey._ "

Once they were both left panting, her taste still on his tongue, he rolled over, pulling her to rest on top of him. She nestled her head into the crook of his neck, placing a kiss there.

"Ben?" she whispered softly, her soft flesh humming against his.

"Yeah?"

He felt a damp warmness wet his neck, her eyelashes fluttering against his skin. He wrapped his arms tightly around her as she quivered against him.

"Say it," he urged softly.

"I love you."

He placed a kiss to the top of her head, blinking away his own tears. She clung to him tightly, as if she were afraid that if she let go of him, she would wake from a dream and he would be gone.

"I'll come back, sweetheart. I promise."

* * *


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe makes his move. Chewbacca and Ben have a heart to heart. Hux is a douche.

Rain gently pattered against the port window of the _Falcon_ as they came in for their landing on Naboo. She and Poe sat alone in the cockpit as Chewbacca had decided to break his silence and go to speak to Ben.

Rey looked out the port window, her brow furrowed at what she saw. Briefly, she had been excited about the rain, but as they broke through the atmosphere and came closer to the surface, confusion struck her. It was supposed to be a place of majesty, rustic architecture built from red stone and impossible flora and fauna teeming on the pastoral planet. As a child, she had heard the tales about the beautiful planet and imagined the planet so clearly in her head. Now, as they landed, she saw nothing but ruins.

"When the Rebellion finally overtook the Empire, they made one last ditch effort to make sure that we suffered," Poe explained as he read the confusion on her face. "Naboo was one of many planets that suffered from Project: Cinder. It got the least of the brunt, my mother, Shara, and Leia were here and they managed to stop the satellites that were causing the weather disturbance, but Naboo has still been trying to reconstruct for years. As the emperor's home planet, it's just a point of contention among anyone who might have been sympathetic to the Empire. Now with the First Order, well…"

"It's just another power struggle," Rey finished as she looked out at the rubble. That was what these wars brought. Struggles and strife, leaving civilians to clean up the messes while politicians struggled to maintain some sort of order until the next push. "I wish I could have been here to see it in it's prime. I heard that the cities were beautiful."

"The rest of the planet is still gorgeous, you know," Poe pointed out as he glanced over at her. "If we ever get a minute to breathe after all the dust has settled and we have a minute, how about I bring you back here?"

"Only if I get to fly," Rey said softly, managing a weak smile as they settled on the landing strip. She couldn't keep up with his flirting. Every passing word seemed to pull her further and further away from being playful, being flirtatiously friendly, and into his easy charm.

"Yeah, sure, angel," Poe chuckled as he stood up before walking over to the doorway to the cockpit, blocking it with his body as he asked, "So, uh, you think Chewie is done talking with your boyfriend or…?"

He gave her an expectant look, as if he were waiting for him to correct him again as she had before. _Boyfriend…_ The word still seemed wrong to her. It seemed so domestic and didn't seem to fit Ben. Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren, who served briefly as the Supreme Leader of the First Order, and spent far too long under the sway of a dark master who corrupted his heart. He seemed to be more of a prince just freed from a curse rather than a real person, tangible and in front of her.

As he gave up his role with the First Order, he was becoming someone new. Someone that she didn't quite know and she was sure, he didn't fully understand himself either.

"I'll go check," Rey said as she carefully brushed between Poe and the doorway, not correcting him. As she stood in the doorway, he caught her hand, holding her there with a stare, looking as if he was about to say something. Her heart pounded in her chest, a familiar drumming that had seemed reserved just for Ben before, but now with every moment spent with Poe, it grew stronger and stronger. It felt like betrayal.

He pulled her close, their bodies touching, fitting together so easily. His hand went to her waist, holding her there tightly. Their faces were inches apart as she struggled to think properly, the heat of his body making it nearly impossible. As he moved to close the distance, she turned her head quickly, his lips meeting her jaw as she winced.

Unlike Ben, everything about Poe seemed so real. He was like a solid footing, sure and grounded, while Ben was like reaching her hand up towards the sky, hoping to brush her fingers against the surface of a distant moon. Still, instead of loving the earth beneath her feet, she desperately wanted nothing more than to keep reaching for the moon.

Poe rested his head against hers for a moment, a soft sigh escaping him.

"Please, Poe. I need… to go check on Ben," she insisted as she pulled herself from his embrace before she jogged down the corridor to the main hull, guilt twisting in her stomach.

* * *

Ben found himself pressed in the most crushing embrace he had experienced in nearly nine years. He stood there tensely, unsure of what he was supposed to do in the Wookiee's embrace before finally raising an arm to gently pat the creature on the back.

The conversation had been short. It had started off with Chewbacca lifting him up by the scruff of his shirt, roaring in his face a thousand Wookiee slurs that he didn't understand. Out of everyone in the world, including his mother, he had never been entirely sure if his father had cared about anyone more than his long-time partner. He had never held that him against him as much as he had wanted to, as much as Snoke tried to stoke that flame of jealousy in him.

Yes, his father had constantly been on one daring mission to the next, the great General Solo, the dashing smuggler, the nomad… But he had never included Chewbacca in the many grievances he had against Han. Now, feeling like he everything he had been was being stripped away, even those grievances seemed petty.

For as long as he remembered, the Wookiee had been some sort of a surrogate uncle to him. Where Luke was someone he had always looked up to, had strived to be until he failed him, Chewie had been someone who had been easier to talk to when he had been a boy. Where his family was so far above him, entangled in legend, Chewbacca was a giant ball of fur that any young boy would have been able to rely on.

As silence had settled between them, still hanging nearly a foot off of the ground, Ben had uttered, " _I'm sorry._ "

When it came to his father, he had never thought he would admit the remorse he had felt since that day. What was supposed to have strengthened him, to make him stronger, had left him broken.

_Ben…!_

His father's cry as he approached him, the look of his face as he ignited the lightsaber, watching him fall… That moment was supposed to bring an end to their relationship, an end for the longing for his father like a child, but instead he found that he wanted nothing more than to have one more minute with Han. Even if that minute was spent between them arguing over their past mistakes, it would have been a minute less of grief.

At his apology, the Wookiee had pulled him into a silent embrace, crushing him just as he had as a boy. He remembered giggling as child, complaining that he couldn't breathe, trying to act tough as he struggled embarrassedly in Chewbacca's grasp.

As he patted the creature twice, there was a gentle rapping against the doorframe.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," Rey called. "But we landed on Naboo. We're supposed to be escorting you to the Theed Hangar. Apparently, your flight out of here is supposed to meet us there."

Chewbacca set him back fully on the floor as he gave another gruff growl before he walked past Rey through the doorframe. She took a full step back, seeming flustered as she tried not to brush against the Wookiee.

Things had been tense between them after they had shared their moment in the crew quarters. He had wanted to stay in that moment for as long as he could, holding her bare body tight against him, inhaling her scent and listening to the small breaths she took as she slept.

Once she woke, she had gotten up and tried to put on a brave face as she tried to pretend that she didn't feel as if he were leaving her. They had their connection, but after being near her, being able to know that she wouldn't disappear, how could he ever go back to waiting for the Force to connect them at random?

"Poe said he would contact the connection and then we would escort you to the hangar," Rey said as she walked into the crew quarters, taking a sidelong glance at the bag he had packed. It was filled with a change of clothes, all from his father's dresser, and a few keepsakes that his father had left on board.

"Did he say who the connection was?" he asked, though he already felt clearly who it was. She shook her head, unable to keep her casual façade. She blinked away tears, a broken laugh escaping her lips as she tossed her hands up in frustration.

"How am I supposed to pretend that any of this is normal?" she demanded, that exasperated grin breaking from her lips. "You and I, any of this… I can't just pretend that this is okay. That at least we'll have our Force bond. I've become spoiled, Ben, and we've only been truly together for three days, but I can't beg you to stay… I can't go with you. I'd be selfish to do either."

He closed the distance between them, pulling her close to him.

"This isn't goodbye," he promised. After a quiet pause, he placed a kiss to the top of her head, brushing loose hair from her face.

"I know," she murmured, her embrace still tight. "I know, I know…"

* * *

"Have we found Kylo Ren?" Grand Marshal Hux demanded as he took long strides over to his officer, giving him a cold glance as they seemed to tense. He took that as their response, feeling his blood begin to boil. He needed Kylo Ren dead. If he joined the Rebellion, others would take that as a sign that they could escape the First Order. They already had lost that damned FN-2817. What would it mean to them if the former leader joined? "They took him in one of the most well-known ships in the damned galaxy. Someone has had to have seen it!"

Hux found that even though he had long hated the Resistance, he was starting to hate the _Millennium Falcon_ as it continued act as a flagship of the incoming rebels who were determined to interfere with his plans.

It was an old hunk of space junk and how it continued to speed out of their reach, he yet to figure that out. When it came to trying to find General Solo and any other scum with connection to the Resistance, there had been a long-standing order for any First Order agent who caught sight of it to report it and try to initiate a capture. Of course, little had they known that it had been sitting in the desert of Jakku for years.

"We believe that one of our agents have sighted the _Millennium Falcon_ , Grand Marshal," the officer called from their consol. "Apparently, they are approaching Naboo as we speak. Whether or not Kylo Ren is onboard, it is unknown."

"Why Naboo?" Hux murmured with a frown. It would have made more sense to take Ren to some sort of rebel outpost for questioning, hold him as prisoner, if they planned to keep him from them. Naboo was long a planet held in contention between the New Republic, the Empire, and with the Empire gone, the First Order. Meeting there seemed reckless, if not absolutely foolish.

"General Organa has connections there," he mused as he thought over the file they had on her. Her mother, Padme Amidala, had been born there and acted senator and queen to planet as she lived. Did they plan to hand Kylo Ren over to the remains of the New Republic? Perhaps…

"She plans to meet him there," he breathed as he looked at the officer as it struck him. "I want men on the ground, ready to meet the Kylo Ren and his Resistance friends on the ground. Whether or not we take the Resistance members alive, it doesn't matter, but I want Ren alive for a public execution. If anything, I want the General dead. If our men get a shot, make sure they take it."

"Sir, I don't think we could get enough men there—"

"I said that I want men on the ground," he barked as he turned to look at the officer. "And I want all available fleets circling that planet. I don't want them leaving that planet!"

The officer nodded and made the order.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squad attempts to take Ben to the Theed Hangar. Rose Tico makes her first appearance while conscience! There is a major character death.

"Once we hit the Theed Hangar, you're going to need to get out of here as fast you can," Poe said as he strode ahead of the group, the rain pouring heavier as they moved up the ruined roads of the city. Chewbacca and BB-8 had stayed behind in the Falcon, ready to go. Beyond the royal palace, the area around the hangar, it seemed, was well occupied by First Order sympathizers. Landing the _Falcon_ nearby had become nearly impossible. Instead, Poe, Rey, Finn, and Ben had taken to the city by foot.

"Our connection should have a fighter ready for Kylo," he continued as they started to jog through the soaking rain. "Once Kylo is in that ship and heading off-planet, we'll be taking a cruiser with the connection back to the rebel base."

"This doesn't feel right," Rey called over the rain as she glanced back up at Ben. The closer they got the hangar, the more that instinctual cry within her wanted them to signal Chewbacca to come back.

"If there was an issue with us being there, we wouldn't have been able to land," Poe tried to assure her. "The fact that we were at least able to make it to the strip means that we should at least be able to finish this mission."

"And we can't leave your contact waiting," Ben said, his tone knowing as if he and Poe shared some sort of secret. She knew, though, there was no way that they had shared that information amongst one another.

"No, we can't," he agreed, grudgingly before taking a sharp turn into an alleyway while the other three followed.

"The hangar is connected to the royal quarters," Finn remarked as the stood briefly in the alleyway. "How exactly are we supposed to, you know, just walk in?"

"That's where the connection comes in," Poe said as they started to move through the backstreets of the city, maneuvering out of sight of the civilians. The closer they seemed to get to the royal palace, the more repaired the city of Theed seemed to be. The reconstruction efforts, it seemed, to be focused on the where eyes would look upon the city opposed to where they had landed.

Finally, they arrived at their destination: a small hole in the wall that seemed to be some sort of servant's passage.

Poe knocked a series of rhythmic pounds before the door cracked open.

"You're here!" a cheerful voice cried out in relief as the person fully opened the door. As she stood in the doorway, Rey first noticed her infectious smile and then noticed her unruly black hair that curled away from her round face. It took her a moment before she realized that she was the girl that Finn had been tending to on the _Falcon_ right after the battle on Crait.

"Rose!" Finn cried, his voice a mixture of surprise and frustration.

" _Finn!_ " she breathed. In a flurry, they rushed towards each other and he embraced her tightly. Rey blinked at the pair, watching as Finn pressed a kiss to the side of her head. He kept her in his arms, even as he pulled back before pressing one more kiss to her lips. Whatever she and he had shared before, none of their embraces had ever ended like that.

She glanced up to Ben, who was awkwardly glancing away as if trying to ignore the spectacle, to her left, Poe pursed his lips as if he were trying to hold back a frustrated sigh.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "You should be back on base, not here—"

"I'm fine," she insisted as she broke the embrace. "You don't think they would have told me to stay behind if I wasn't?"

"That's not the point—"

"You two can have your reunion later, hash out the details to whether or not this dangerous, et cetera, et cetera, but right now we need to get the galaxies greatest fugitive off-word," Poe interrupted. Rose gave a bashful smile before holding the door open for the group.

"General Organa is waiting in the hangar," Rose murmured as she started to lead them down the tight passage, her hand finding Finn's even in the darkness of the corridor. "She had to go through this whole ordeal with the queen of Naboo, pulling strings, insisting that the Resistance wouldn't bring their fight to Naboo… but she did it."

The trek was short as they finally reached the hangar with little resistance. They had paused once as some servant chatted just beyond one of the doors to the passage way, only to continue through the main halls.

They moved through the large doors, a chill running up Rey's spine as she looked back up at Ben.

"I have a bad feeling about this," she hissed, grabbing him by the arm.

"I feel it too," was his reply. "Whatever it is, we can handle it."

Within the hangar, there was a series of ships, but in the center sat a shining silver cruiser and a small fighter: one for the group to depart, and the other for Ben to leave in.

"This seems too easy," Poe mumbled as he walked into the center of the hangar. From behind the silver cruiser, Leia strode out. As always, her hair was ornately plaited away from her face. Her dress was of Naboo attire, deep blue and far more romantic than anything she had seen the woman wear.

"Commander Dameron, you made good time," she greeted as she saw him at the forefront of their little squadron. "I was worried with the rain that you all would be delayed. Instead… it looks like my rebels are soaked to the bone."

"You shouldn't have come here, General," Poe insisted as he tried to keep his demeanor serious. Even as he spoke to her, though, Rey could see that affection that he had for the woman. "This world is teeming with sympathizers to the First Order. With their decisive blow against us on Crait, that sentiment is only stronger."

"You said that over the holo earlier," she said, waving a hand at his worry. "We checked them both for tracking device and they came up clean.

She looked beyond him, her dark eyes searching. All humor at left her face, but her gaze remained soft as she seemed to hold her breath until she saw _him_.

* * *

Ben froze where he stood, waiting for the hatred he was sure he was going to see on his mother's face. It had been so long since he had seen her and as he stood there in the hangar, she looked so much older than he remembered. Her chestnut hair was now dark and streaked with silver, her face as lovely as it ever was creased with wrinkles.

Instead of heat, of disappointment, he found himself looking at a woman who seemed relieved to see him. She took him in, keeping that distant between them.

"Ben," she breathed, unable to hide the smile pulling at her lips as she took a step forward.

As she did, the cruiser behind her erupted in flames, the blast consuming her before knocking her forward.

" _No!_ " two cries filled that hangar, the cries of Leia's two sons. His voice felt raw from the cry, the chill of loss striking his heart his mind momentarily went numb. In that moment, he vaguely understood that Poe seemed to be lost in that same shock. As both of them rushed forward to where the woman laid on the ground, the door behind them opened once more as a squadron of stormtroopers flooded in from the door they had just entered.

Poe took his blaster and started firing madly. From the corner of his eye, he was aware that Finn, Rose, and Rey were moving. He knelt down by his mother, carefully pulling her into his arms. Weakly, she looked up at him.

"You look… so much like your father," she breathed weakly, raising a hand to touch his cheek, cupping his cheek as she ran a finger across his scar.

"Don't go," he pleaded softly, feeling his voice waver as he held her there. He hadn't been able to pull the trigger and fire on the bridge before, and now she was in his arms, her breaths short as he felt her life dwindling from her. The Force surrounded all things, but he could feel her growing weaker.

"You need to get on that ship," she breathed. "And get as far… as you can from the First Order… Do that for me, Ben. Be… be the man you were meant to…"

One last shuddering breath and she was limp in his arms before she faded into nothing. There was no corpse to cradle, nothing to burn, nothing burry… Nothing.

Her words rang in his ears as he looked up at the chaos that surrounded him. Poe was shouting with every pull of the trigger of his blaster, cursing the First Order to the deep bowels of hell while Finn was grabbing his arm, trying to yank him towards a ship Rose had somehow managed to start in the hangar. Rey stood near them, looking as if she were ready to run to him.

A blaster ray connected with her side, causing her to stumble back into the door of the ship.

He reached down to his waist, pulling his lightsaber out quickly as he stood, nothing but grief and rage fueling him as he stood there.

_Kill them all…_

Something from within him called for vengeance. He ignited the blade.

_Be the man who you were meant to be…_

"Ben!" he heard Rey's cry from across the hangar as Rose pulled her into the ship despite her attempts to struggle towards him. She sounded so distant as if she were calling across a chasm. Her voice was strangled, holding back tears as she called to him above the chaos. "You need to go! _Now!_ "

He met her tearful gaze, and for a brief moment, he felt serenity as he obeyed her plea.

* * *

"How's Poe?" Rey found herself asking as she sat in the makeshift medbay of the ship as Rose carefully patched up her side.

"You should worry about yourself," Rose insisted as she worked on the blaster burn. She worked quickly, seeming as skilled with a medkit as she was with the engines of a ship.

"I've had worse," she said, waving off her concern.

"I can tell," Rose murmured, clearly trying to keep the conversation from slipping back to what had just unfolded in the hangar. "Whoever tried to do repairs before… Well, they didn't do a great job."

"It was either let Poe, Finn, Chewbacca, or Ben play doctor and, at the time, I wasn't really keen on letting any of them see me underdressed," Rey murmured, the shock still clinging to her as she spoke. Everything in that moment felt surreal, as if she were moving through a fog.

When Han had died, all she had felt was rage. She had wanted nothing more to end Kylo Ren, to make him face punishment for what he had done. Now, sitting alone with Rose as they awkwardly spoke about past wounds, all she could think of was Ben and Poe. Leia had been a beacon of hope for them all, but she had been so much more than that to them.

"How's Poe?" she found herself repeating. Ben had left in the fighter, hopefully putting as much distance as he could between himself and the First Order. Eventually, the Force would connect him and she could attempt to comfort him. She wanted nothing more to be with him, to hold him.

When Leia had looked at him, she had seen the shock on his face. His lips had quivered, his eyes relieved to find softness on the woman's face, before the reunion ended before it could even start.

"He's flying the ship," Rose murmured as she began to blink away her own tears, finishing up her mending job. "He's doing what we need him to do. Getting us away from the First Order and to the base so that we can regroup."

Rey blinked for a moment before pulling the other woman towards her, pulling her into a gentle embrace. Even if she didn't know her, every gentle touch and passing glance she had seen shared between her and Finn made it known that she was important to him. If she was important to Finn, Rose Tico was important to her as well.

"You're going to rip open what I just fixed up!" Rose gasped, but she didn't pull away.

* * *

Poe sat in the cockpit of the ship alone after he had asked Finn to leave him there. He had been short with him, something he had instantly regretted. From the moment of the explosion, he had felt nothing but rage and the desire to see Leia's death avenged. He had fired madly at the stormtroopers who had been unfortunate enough to raid the hangar. He had taken a dozen or so down, making a dent for their getaway, but it didn't seem like enough.

As long as he could remember, he wanted to be a man that his mother could be proud of. Once he had joined the Resistance, following her footsteps, it had been Leia he had wanted to make proud. He had considered himself lucky, to live a life where he had two strong women in his life that he wanted to make proud. Now, they were both gone.

Sitting there, staring at the stars streaking past the port window, he clung to his mother's wedding ring. He had taken the chain from his neck, wrapping it between his fingers.

It was a tangible reminder of his mother, but what did he have left of Leia?

He heard the door open behind him.

"Finn, I told you that right now, I just want to be alone—"

"I'm not Finn."

He turned to see Rey in the doorway, carefully approaching him as if she were approaching a wild beast. Her voice had been gentle, coaxing as she sat down beside him in the co-pilot's chair.

"Well, you might not be Finn, but I was serious about wanting to be alone," Poe shot back, but he didn't even wait a breath before speaking again. "You know, I told her not to come, but she pushed for it. Normally, I think I could have talked her out of it, but she said that because of her mother, because it was Naboo, she was going to be safe."

He slammed his fist against the console, but Rey didn't flinch.

"And… And it was all to protect that _asshole_ ," he seethed, his heart squeezing in back as he felt tears sting his eyes. "We should have given him to the First Order when we had the chance. It's better than what he deserves. She was better than anything he deserves."

"You don't mean that, Poe—"

"I do," he assured her. "Dammit, Rey, I do. On Jakku, I saw him kill a man who wanted nothing more to help the Resistance and end this damned war in hopes that if we found Skywalker, we could stop the First Order. Then he tortured me, made me give up information on the Resistance, reveal BB-8's whereabouts… He's killed our people, Rey. Good people… And we lost… we lost Leia… for _him_."

His voice broke as he slumped over as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, covering his eyes with one hand as the other one remained tight around the wedding ring.

She reached over and reached for his hand. After a moment, he entangled her small hand in his, the chain his fist wrapping around her fingers, and they sat in a long silence.

After a moment, he looked over at her, tears streaking her face. For a moment, that anguish and fury still hot for Kylo, he wondered if her tears were for her separation from him, but as she squeezed his hand tightly once more, he realized she was sharing his pain and his loss.

"I'm sorry, Poe."

"Yeah, me too."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fear leads to Suffering, and other Yoda-isms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the beautiful comments! You're all so amazing and supportive! Thank you! You can find me at womp-rat-fever if you're on Tumblr!

Rey ran her fingers through Ben's hair as he leaned back while he napped, his head in her lap as she sat on her bed in the crew quarters. Her back was pressed against the wall, his body stretched across the whole of twin sized bed as he used her lap as a pillow. Ben was so tall, to her amusement, that he had to bend his knees to keep his feet from dangling off the edge of the bed.

The engines of the ship ran silent, far different than the older _Falcon_ with its odd bumps and clangs _._ Everything about the Naboo cruiser was more advanced than the old smuggler's ship, but being on it left her feeling numb, as if something was missing. The lights seemed to shine too bright, the walls seemed too cold and void of character. Everything about the room seemed so wrong, but she couldn't place why.

As she looked down at Ben, the feeling subsided. While everything seemed so wrong, he seemed at peace for the first time since they had met. He had been a man of constant struggle and turmoil, warring with himself as much as he warred with the world around him. She had marked him with a scar, a constant reminder that he had warred even with her.

She combed her slender fingers through his dark, thick mane, pushing the strands away from his pale face as he rested. Every perfect strand was set askew by her tentative touch, pushed away from his face as she tucked the strands behind his ears. She had always wanted to touch his hair. Somehow, he had always managed to keep every strand of hair perfect. She had expected it to be sticky or hard with product, but it was soft and smooth as she ran her fingers through his thick tresses. With her middle finger, she traced his left ear, smiling softly.

His ears were delightfully angled, she decided. They stuck out awkwardly from his slender face, making him seem softer and more boyish instead of the raging man he had grown into. With his eyes closed, his eyelids fluttering, he almost seemed at peace. Always, he had a tense look of anticipation as if he were waiting for her to betray him just as everyone else had in his life. The fear behind his eyes that haunted him seemed to be gone just for a moment as he rested.

He leaned into her touch, his eyes fluttering open as his lips quirked ever so slightly in confusion.

"Hey," she whispered softly, her voice breaking and her breath hitching as she waited. For what, she wasn't quite sure. She was struck with an anxiety that she recognized, but couldn't quite place.

_No, no… Please…_

"You're crying," he accused quietly, the words striking her hard. He didn't move, but he almost seemed to look through her, sending a chill up her spine. _Cold_ , she realized. She felt so cold, but it was beyond that constant chill that plagued her when she boarded one of these ships, entering the void of space when she had spent so many seasons on the desert Jakku.

Rey shook her head, pinching her brows together in confusion. Before he had woken up, she had been nowhere near crying. Everything had been still and she had been basking in his warmth, letting him rest with her. She felt her heart squeeze painfully as her mind numbly tried to work out a puzzle that she had been unaware that she was trying to solve.

If she solved it, she realized, he would be gone.

"I'm not," she found herself saying just as a droplet fell from her chin to strike against the center of his forehead. He didn't flinch, but he rose a hand to touch the moisture, collecting the drop on his ring finger as he inspected it with his chestnut gaze.

"You are," he murmured. The words seemed to release a storm that had been rolling on the horizon, but she had turned her back to it, ignoring the dull rolls of thunder and pinpricks of lightning. Now, she was a tempest of desperation as that fear of being alone plagued her once more.

As more tears poured from her eyes, blazing her cheeks with their heat, she gave another fervent shake of the head as she rested her hands on either side of his face.

"No," she breathed as her chested quaked with a sob she hadn't realized she had been holding. " _No,_ no.I'm not, Ben."

She rested her forehead against, closing her eyes tight as she became afraid to open them.

"I'll come back for you, Rey. I promise."

" _Don't go_ ," she begged softly. She felt pathetic as her voice squeaked and as every breath was a shaking struggle.

Trembling, she opened her eyes, only to see that her bed was empty. The eerie silence of the ship seemed to ring louder, the coldness of the walls deafening as she covered her face with her hands as she struggled to breathe. That crippling sense of being untethered, set afloat and left ungrounded took hold of her.

With a harsh shake, she woke.

"Rey," a voice whispered fearfully in the dark. The dull hum of the engines was welcome as she struggled to breathe. She hated the silence. On Jakku, it had just been reassurance that in the darkness where she so desperately sought the relief that sleep could bring, she was alone. Every tick, every scratch on the wall of her hovel… At least the scraping broke the terrible silence of the desert, the marks promising that at least one day, her parents would come back.

This dream had replaced one that had haunted her for years where she would look to the sky, to the ship leaving her alone in the dust of Jakku. Her own voice crying out for them, so small and so frightened, as a child was clearer to her than any lullaby her parents had ever sung to her, their faces long lost to her to the march of time.

It had been a month since they had parted from Ben and lost Leia. A month of rebuilding and struggling, of her trying to go over the texts she took from the island and learn from what Luke wanted to leave behind.

A month without seeing Ben. Unlike before, when they had been parted spanning leagues, there was no connection.

She had reached out for him in meditation, searching for him, but she found nothing. No ripples in the Force, nothing that lead her back to him. The only thing that comforted her was the fact that they had received no news that "Kylo Ren" had been captured. He was out there, she was sure of it, but why she couldn't sense him, why they hadn't been joined by their bizarre bond, she wasn't sure.

At the edge of her bed, she could make out the dim outline of Poe, his worried expression muted by the shadows.

"I'm fine," she murmured as she quickly rubbed her eyes, surprised to find them damp.

"You're not," Poe sighed as he glanced towards the door as she collected herself, as if she could suddenly clean up the mess she had become.

"I am," she insisted as if by saying it, the words would become true. "It was just one bad dream." She smiled, the muscles tight on her face as she forced it into place before it faltered as she rose to push her hair back.

How many times had she had that dream, now? When she was within in, living it and trying to find out why everything seemed so broken and wrong, she never realized what was happening until it was over and she was waking. It had become a nightly ritual since she first realized that their bond was severed once again.

They had mended it before. He had. Even as she had tried to keep him barricaded from her, he had broken through her defenses with ease, leaving them on an unsteady playing field.

"One bad dream?" he asked in a tone that was heartbreakingly gentle. "Angel, we've been on this ship for, what? Ten days? It's been every night."

Even though Leia had passed, they had no time to mourn. Another mission, another plan to hopefully put a stop to the First Order. Kaydel Ko Connix, a quiet woman with Poe's trust, had taken command of the remaining Resistance on base which allowed Poe to lead their current mission in which they were meeting an informant that apparently had information of the First Orders next grand step. With Hux leading, rumors had been circulating of new weapons in the vein of the Starkiller base.

He was a man looking to frighten the galaxy into submission, determined to squash all opponents that crossed him. That included the Resistance and Ben, it seemed. The bounty on his head had been raised in the last month, the fervor for Ben's head practically palpable.

She glanced down at her blanket, balling her hands in a fist around the cover as she felt a wave of shame. Fear shouldn't guide her, it shouldn't follow her into her dreams because she wasn't alone. Not really. Not when Ben truly was alone as a man on the run. His mother had died in his arms, lost on a mission to keep him safe. Had he mourned her properly? In that hangar, for a brief moment, he had considered tearing apart every stormtrooper who had been raided that room. It was the last thing she had truly sensed from him before they parted.

Her dreams felt so selfish, as she were clinging to him, trying to hold onto something elusive, but while she was waking, she just wanted to know that he was safe.

"I am training the ways of the Jedi," she murmured, a mantra she had begun to chant to herself whenever she felt she was becoming dangerously obsessed with her fear. "I should be stronger than dreams and… and doubts."

"You're only human."

Reaching over, he placed a hand on her balled fist. She didn't flinch from his touch, her hand untensing beneath his calloused fingers. He wrapped his hand around hers and gave it a tight squeeze as they sat in the silence for a long moment.

"I hate that guy, you know," he started. As she shot him a glare, he cleared his throat as he continued on quickly. "I absolutely hate him, but… if something had happened to him, if the First Order had him, Rey, we'd know about it. You don't think Hux wouldn't have lorded that over us after Kylo broke rank to save you?"

"It's… it's more than that," she murmured, her voice wavering for the first time in her waking life. She was supposed to be strong. Dreams were just dreams, but as she spoke of her fears for the first time, the tears returned. "I just… He feels _lost._ I keep reaching for him, but every time I reach I don't sense anything."

In one movement, he reached over and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"I don't understand the Force," he whispered in her ear. "I'm a pilot. Ask me about some advance flying techniques and how to command a fleet, but when it comes to the Force… I got nothing. I can also hold you for a little bit… because I think you've been holding onto all of this on your own when you never needed to."

Rey blinked once as she looked at Poe before she buried her face into the front of his shirt, gross sobs escaping her as he held her there tightly.

"One good cry and I'll be fine," she promised.

"If you need more than one, I won't tell anyone," he murmured as he stroked her hair gently.

 


End file.
